Katy McKenna Raymond  
Personal blog of christian writer Katy McKenna Raymond in Kansas City, Missouri

Personal blog of christian
writer & fallible mom
Katy McKenna Raymond
in Kansas City, Missouri


Katy is represented by
Greg Johnson at
WordServe Literary

Read more Katy at
LateBoomer.net

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What Do You Want To Do Today?

So finally it's Saturday, the one day of the week I rarely feel guilty. Well, okay, technically I don't often feel guilty on Sunday, either. Except occasionally when I skip church and I'm not sick at all but only exhausted or stressed.

Sunday, you'll understand if you've ever been Catholic, is a Holy Day of Obligation, with a strong emphasis on obligation. I was raised to believe that you put in your time at Mass unless you were certifiably, irretrievably dead. And sometimes, even then. But I digress.

I don't feel guilty on the weekends--and especially on Saturday--because if I were a member of the traditional workforce, I'd probably get Saturdays off. If my mother calls me today and asks what I'm doing, she won't expect the answer to be "working," so I won't need to couch my response in terms that make her think I'm actually accomplishing something worthy of a paycheck.

If she calls from 9-5 on Monday through Friday, she's trained herself to say, "Are you writing?" to which I always answer, "Oh, yes, it's coming along nicely now..."

She never asks what I mean by "nicely," or what the definition of "it" is. She doesn't want to know that much, which is fine with me.

I've pretty much decided that unless forced to by some terrible financial misfortune that I can't foresee at the moment, I'll never work in someone else's office again. I make a terrible employee, one who requires reams of scrap paper and cases of post-it notes just to keep up with the pieces of poetry, potential book titles, and tidbits of character analysis that pop into my head at any given moment.

Even though I've made my choice and know it's the right one for me, the guilt rages.

I've become friends with a woman recently whose two daughters are both in college. Her mother has Alzheimer's and is in a nursing home, where Mary visits her several times per week. Invariably, the employees at the facility question Mary on what she does with all her time, since she holds no outside-the-home job.

"I'm here, am I not?" she responds, which usually silences them. I suspect if she ever gets in the mood, she'll just tell them she does nothing, and leave it at that. She doesn't feel compelled to defend her choices, only to live with them.

Unlike me, Mary feels no guilt about choosing to be a life-long homemaker. She doesn't feel the need to be making an income (however small) in order to prove something about her worth, her right to exist.

If this were a movie called When Katy Met Mary, my next line would have to be, "I'll have what she's having."

Anything you've been made to feel guilty about, when it's nobody's business but yours?
Posted by Katy on 05/21/05 at 08:42 AM
Fallible Comments...
  1. I just asked Doug if there's anything he feels guilty about that he shouldn't. "I probably do," he says, "I'll think about it." He comes in again in a few seconds and says, "I guess I'm not too overcome with guilt about what other people think I should be doing."

    So, Is it just me??
    -----
    Posted by Katy  on  05/21/05  at  03:20 PM
  2. i just got back from visiting my home state of michigan, and in talking with old neighbors eager to find out what i've been up to in the creative and work worlds, had to struggle with those very pangs you describe, katy. fresh out of theatre college, i've chosen to be a stay at home mom for over ten years now, and while i wouldn't trade the time i've been able to watch my kiddos grow and learn every first, to just be there for them - i have looked now and then to the other side of the fence over all this time and wondered if i ought to be out there, even just a little bit, contributing to the world outside of my own world, not to mention to the family budget. it's a tough one for me, but every time i've added up the figures, they've fallen on the side i'm on, in my case. some days i'm more ok with that than others. kudos on reaching for contentment, katy.
    Posted by lisa  on  05/21/05  at  04:36 PM
  3. Want the truth?

    Sometimes I feel guilty that I don't feel guilty enough about not being productive enough.
    Posted by rebecca  on  05/21/05  at  06:08 PM
  4. Oh, Rebecca, you sound just like me!!!
    Posted by Bridget  on  05/21/05  at  10:01 PM
  5. Sometimes people tried to make me feel guilty for home schooling my kids. Said it like it must be nice to be able to stay at home while the rest of us are out there working as if my husband made a zillion bucks so that I could have the luxury of staying home. We were around poverty level most of those years.
    Posted by Hope  on  05/22/05  at  05:17 AM
  6. how long I nursed my baby. like she was never gonna let go of it. (she did)
    Posted by Paula  on  05/23/05  at  05:20 AM
    7. Page 1 of 1 pages
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