Katy McKenna Raymond  
Personal blog of christian writer Katy McKenna Raymond in Kansas City, Missouri

Personal blog of christian
writer & fallible mom
Katy McKenna Raymond
in Kansas City, Missouri


Katy is represented by
Greg Johnson at
WordServe Literary

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LateBoomer.net

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Tiny Difficulty

My father's side of the family is filled with bonafide anorexics.

My Aunt Mary was a high-grade professional with the federal government her whole life, a single career lady. She had to shop in the little girls' department. At Eastertime, she'd snatch up all the little suits she could get her hands on, and try to make them mean business for the rest of the year. It wasn't easy.

My Aunt Cathy gave birth to five children, and bragged that she never gained more than fifteen pounds during a pregnancy. That weight was lost in toto on the delivery table, and she'd wear her regular pedal pushers home from the hospital. What's that about?

Cathy's idea of greeting me when she hadn't seen me for a few years was not a hug and a kiss, or even just a hello. It was to say, "I can tell you've really gained weight."

Cathy did high-impact aerobics until past age seventy. The Thanksgiving before she died, she informed her children that she'd just eaten her last morsel. True to her word, she held out until February, and died weighing 75 pounds, her personal best. By then, of course, she was in a nursing home, because all her vital organs shut down from sheer starvation.

My cousin, Cathy's daughter, told me after Cathy died that her mother had been a lifelong anorexic. You think?

My father was 5'8", not tall by anyone's standards, but tall enough to support more than 120 pounds. Yet that was his weight for years before he died, down from his all-time high of 160 or so, when I was a little girl. I remember him at this high weight--it was his prime. He looked fabulous and strong and whole. When he was too thin, his idea of a special treat was a chocolate chip. One chocolate chip.

He wore only heavy jogging suits the winter before he died in April, nineteen years ago. With all those clothes on, it was impossible to know the full extent of his hidden emaciation. He still had jowls, like always. It's the one enduring family feature that fools everyone. As it turned out, he didn't have much to hide.

At his death, he weighed 90 pounds.

Is it any wonder his last words to me were, "My God, your butt's getting big..."?

Now if I could just stop looking in the mirror and hearing those words every flippin' day.


Posted by Katy on 04/29/03 at 01:46 PM
Fallible Comments...
  1. Did I say flippin? I meant frickin.
    -----
    Posted by katy  on  04/29/03  at  05:50 PM
  2. Isn't it amazing how words can impact one's life?
    Posted by Singpraises  on  04/29/03  at  06:56 PM
  3. Wow, that's ire for you--"frickin". ;)<br><br>Wow. It sounds like these individuals in your family has issues with body image. It sounds like you, however, are aware of their remarks to the point that part of you thinks they are absurd (the remarks, that is).<br><br>If these things were said to you over a long period of time, one can only expect that it will take a long time for you to retrain your attitudes about your own view of yourself.<br><br>Even though I have no idea what you look like, your writing makes you more beautiful than any true anorexic I have and will ever meet.
    Posted by Maria  on  04/30/03  at  08:32 AM
  4. life's too short, go ahead and eat! (moderately) :D
    Posted by Linnor  on  04/30/03  at  09:42 AM
  5. PARENTS!!! My mom weighs less than I do and teases me by calling me "fat lady" in Chinese (we are Chinese). My dad just makes snide comments. He's very subtle and very good at sarcasm. Gaah!
    Posted by irene  on  04/30/03  at  11:29 AM
  6. this reminds me of what a friend of mine always says. She is saving a grand a year per child (pre-school age now). I once asked her, "Why? For college?" and she laughed and replied, "No silly, let them get scholarships! It's for therapy - remember, I'm their mother! They'll need it!". <br><br>Love your journal. Been lurking for a few months now...<br>~kat.
    Posted by kat  on  04/30/03  at  11:57 AM
  7. Wish I could remember his last words to me. I'd treasure a "big butt" comment, if only I could remember the sound of his voice.....
    Posted by Bridget  on  04/30/03  at  06:14 PM
  8. i grew up hearing that, while i was smart enough, i wasn't tall enough, slim enough, etc. been trying to outgrow all that negativity i got. and now, while i won't be able to fit in my mom's wedding dress (with a 24-inch waistline), i know that i am damn pretty just the way i am. <br>:) just saying hi, katy.
    Posted by val  on  05/01/03  at  01:43 AM
  9. There is that phenomenon in my family too, which some like to call a genetic predisposition, which i more appropriately like to call it a generational curse, in which nearly all, if not all the women have at one point in life battled the fierceness of an eating disorder on my maternal and paternal side. Very odd. So complex, so personal, and so different in every case, doctors are constantly baffled by the complexity of how a person can self-starve themselves to the point of death, only to look in a mirror and still see that full figured fat body that drove them to this manic state of thin in the first place. I am baffled. I admire you a lot. Even though we've not met, it's always a delight to read your musings and stories. I admire you for giving an example in your personal life of how eating disorders are not just an adolescent thing, they are real and they are life threatening. I'm sorry about your Aunt, and for your father. I'm sorry that the eating disorder had to take over and that you heard the eating disorder speaking in his last words of life.
    Posted by May  on  05/01/03  at  02:04 AM
  10. I have a troubling addiction myself. I find myself reading your Web site every evening.<br>Don't think it's anything I ate.<br>Might be just the writing talent.<br>:-)
    Posted by roddy  on  05/01/03  at  04:46 AM
  11. Singpraises, Words are a big responsibility, I think. I'm struggling personally to become more aware of what I say, and how it can affect people.<br><br>Maria, Yes. I couldn't help myself, but I'm better now! Tee, hee. I will post a pic of myself here sometime. I am 5'2", 125 lbs or so. OK for an old chick!<br><br>Linnor, I SO agree!<br><br>Irene, Ouch! I'm glad my Dad didn't know Chinese! Hang in there, girl. They mean well, I'm sure. You're just right.<br><br>kat, Ain't it the truth? Your friend is wise and witty. I hate to think about how badly I might have screwed up my great kids!<br><br>Bridgie, Now, I think I'd LAUGH at a big butt comment, but I wasn't so secure at age 30. You're right, though, the voice is a treasure. And the way he emphasized the Almighty when he said, "My GOD, you're butt's"...I miss his words.<br><br>Val, Hey, girl, you're fortunate you were smart enough!! Tee, hee. I bet you'll be gorgeous in your very own dress! <br><br>May, This stuff wasn't talked about so much in the "olden days", so these are my takes on it as I remember how stuff happened. I don't think my dad was an anorexic like my aunt was--it was probably some other kind of wasting disease that made him lose all that weight. But(t) he was very weight focused about my size. You are kind!<br><br>Roddy, Thanks! You've made my morning!
    Posted by katy  on  05/01/03  at  01:37 PM
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