Katy McKenna Raymond  
Personal blog of christian writer Katy McKenna Raymond in Kansas City, Missouri

Personal blog of christian
writer & fallible mom
Katy McKenna Raymond
in Kansas City, Missouri


Katy is represented by
Greg Johnson at
WordServe Literary

Read more Katy at
LateBoomer.net

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This I Believe

I BELIEVE in the sanctity of sock marriage. Socks are, by their very nature, knit together in monogamy. If the clothes dryer perchance puts them asunder, a pair of socks never pursues divorce. The missing mate is merely vacationing somewhere, such as on the vast white beach of that new sheet I got on sale at Target. Therefore, the sock which languishes in loneliness waiting for its partner’s return must never be cast away, for then it would surely lose hope.

I BELIEVE that the tube of mascara, the tube of lipstick, and the tube of toothpaste are veritable bottomless pits, but in a good way. Upon awakening from a deep and dreamless sleep on the morrow, I shall be blessed with the daily manna of one more portion from each of these tubes, for such is the strength of my belief. If upon arising I am unable to squeeze, extract, or dip one additional measure from one of my beloved tubes, I shall allow such a tube to lie fallow for a period of a week, at which time I shall give it another whirl.

I BELIEVE that emory boards that have lost the power of their emory shall, after reproof, be put to rest inside the linen closet, lo, even mixed in among those quality emory boards of which it could be rightly said that “iron sharpens iron.” Upon blindly reaching in to lay hold of a random emory board with my set of ragged fingernails in a fortnight or so, I believe that the smoothness of the affected emory board shall have been restored to the glory of its former abrasiveness.

I BELIEVE that an item for retail sale with a slogan emblazoned on the packaging in the upper corner bearing the fortuitous words “As Seen On TV” is verily 99.94% more likely to be effective. Therefore, I believe I shall buy it.

I BELIEVE that if I compose a fresh to-do list, all the items on my previous to-do list must have obviously been accomplished heartily, as unto the Lord, even if they weren’t exactly checked off. I believe I do not need to look back at the old list ever, ever again.

I BELIEVE that if I am faithful to apprehend a cumbersome piece of exercise equipment and drag it home, that I will have burned so many calories and built so much strength, it won’t much matter if I use it a second time. Kind of like Samson knocking down those huge pillars, but with a better haircut.

I BELIEVE that sour milk, if returned to the fridge from which it came, will thusly smell miraculously better the next day.

I BELIEVE that vengeance is not mine, but the Lord’s, and therefore that a multitude of ballpoint pens—no matter how poorly they produce ink—shall be saved by grace. Of course, if they fail to work after experiencing a merciful junk-drawer salvation quite a few times, I reserve the right to banish them into the abyss forever.

 

Posted by Katy on 04/27/08 at 05:26 PM
Fallible Comments...
  1. I believe that no matter how low the needle goes, there is always enough gas to run one more errand before bothering to fill up.

    I believe if I kill all the dandelions in a bare patch on my lawn, that grass will spring up without additional seed or water.

    I believe that in spite of past performance, I will wake up at the proper time without setting the alarm.
    Posted by Doug Raymond  on  04/27/08  at  06:31 PM
  2. Doug--Ha! You also believe, in spite of evidence to the contrary, that this year the chain saw will start right up. :)
    Posted by Katy  on  04/27/08  at  06:35 PM
  3. That was too funny. I love your wit
    Posted by Becoming Me  on  04/27/08  at  07:32 PM
  4. I believe that consuming gallons of Blue Bell ice cream, especially King Cake and Double Brownie Overload, will prevent writer's block.

    I believe I would laugh less if you did not have this blog.
    Posted by Christa  on  04/27/08  at  08:40 PM
  5. Becoming--Aw, thanks! Feel free to share what you believe, too.... :)

    Christa--Do they have those flavors in sugar-free? 'Cause, girl, I could seriously love me some Double Brownie Overload, and I DO believe what you said. I also believe I get a LOT more writing done in coffee shops that have free wifi.
    Posted by Katy  on  04/27/08  at  09:16 PM
  6. I just found out that my husband believes if he's punching the correct buttons on the remote, it shouldn't matter that the batteries are dead.
    Posted by Katy  on  04/27/08  at  09:47 PM
  7. And I believe that one day I will find the mate to this missing sock that somehow eluded me. From 1991 (when I first began doing my laundry in college) until 2007, I had NEVER lost a sock. I was rather proud of that fact. Too proud perhaps... And you are so right about the toothpaste! (You have to squeeze like a wild person when you pay $6 a tube for that organic stuff.) Thanks for the laugh this morning!
    Posted by joshua  on  04/30/08  at  02:15 AM
  8. This is an instant classic, Katy! I'm linking to this one! :)
    Posted by Cindy Swanson  on  05/01/08  at  02:35 PM
  9. Joshua--Pride goeth before the mall, where you might have to go for more socks!

    Cindy--I love you!!! Thanks.
    Posted by Katy  on  05/03/08  at  03:54 PM
  10. I believe that chocolate, when stressed, has no calories.

    I believe that the dust will still be there tomorrow.

    I believe that the rain is as good a car wash as the real thing.

    I believe teachers often know children more than their parents.
    Posted by Bridget  on  04/27/10  at  02:21 PM
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