Taking My Lumps

He could have just greeted me with a cheery “Good morning!”, but no.

“Would you like to be a lump?” he asked, before I’d even had my first cup of coffee. Man, I could have gone off on him right then and there, but I held my peace.

He pointed to a verse in 1st Corinthians, New King James version in case you want to do the comps.

“Well,” he continued with only the slightest trepidation, “it says right here that you should ‘purge out the old leaven, that you may be a new lump.’”

I swear he smirked and then chuckled under his breath, but don’t imagine I couldn’t hear him. Even with my deaf ear pointed his way. I’m talented like that.

I’ll admit that purging sometimes sounds like a plan (one I would not follow through on), but if it’s only to be a new lump, what have I gained? Might as well keep my old familiar lumps, if you know what I"m saying.

Which brings me to Katy’s Dilemma Of The Day.

My back’s out. I mean, really out. The kind of out that makes me scream when unanticipated spasms shoot through my sacroiliacal region, which is approximately every three seconds, making the shooting pains fall clearly into the realm of the should-be-anticipated-if-you’re-halfway-intelligent, but you wouldn’t want to quibble with a medicated woman, would you? I didn’t think so.

One week from today, when our beautiful daughter is easily slinking her unlumpy 25-year-old body into the wedding dress of her dreams, I’ll be confronting my new girdle. That’s right—girdle.

Honestly, I did not know they’d come back out with the kind of undergarments I remember my grandmother wearing in the ‘50s. I’m talking high-rise, thigh-covering, midriff eliminating, rear-end lifting—the works. The thing actually has STAYS in it—I guess what would be the equivalent of underwires in a bra, only more…dear Lord, deliver me…heavy-duty.

Anyway, I saw this contraption at Kohl’s. So, in honor of the grandma I loved and in memory of the lumps of fat she so carefully and tastefully contained, I plunked down a hefty chunk of change and got me one. I even gave it a test drive a few weeks ago, when I still had my strength and wits about me. Believe me, a woman must be in GREAT SHAPE to apply one of these puppies and have a ragged breath leftover to tell the tale.

But now, alas, my poor body has fallen into disrepair. My biggest fear today is that my back will not be sufficiently cured for me to sausage myself into my expensive smoothing apparatus next Saturday. And even though my dress is a respectable size six, it’s VERY fitted. Suffice it to say that if I can’t pull the girdle up, I won’t be pulling the dress down.

In answer to my husband’s theological question du jour, I glared at him and said, “No, I do NOT want to be a lump.”

Sometimes, our Bible studies are really short.

Posted by Katy on 06/23/07 at 08:15 AM

Fallible Comments...

Aw, Katy. I'm sorry about your back. :( Hope it's all better before the wedding.

If it's any consolation, you're a very cute lump.

Love, Jeanne
Posted by Jeanne Damoff on 06/23/07 at 09:44 AM
Katy, I doubt you need it (well, maybe only to fit in your dress!). I wore something similar for my brother's wedding, but not as heavy-duty as yours sounds.

I hope your back gets better, fast! You shouldn't be in pain on your only daughter's wedding day... :)
Posted by Sunflower on 06/23/07 at 10:34 AM
"Spanx" brand of sausage-casings for-women and I are on a first-name basis. "Spanx" are the only ones that I can get on when my infamous back goes out.

I sure hope and pray you are feeling better, girl. Remember how you took care of me when my back went out? I sure wish I could do the same for you!!

Hugs!
Posted by Suzan on 06/23/07 at 01:56 PM
Sending prayers that your back problems are long gone before the wedding.
Good luck with the girdle. I don't envy you getting into one of those.
Posted by Maria on 06/23/07 at 05:11 PM
sausage as verb. love it ;)

(prayers your back is back by next week or even better, before that, as I'm sure you maybe have one or two things to do before the big day!)
Posted by lisa on 06/24/07 at 08:46 PM
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Posted by tvojumat on 10/07/07 at 06:06 PM
Great post! I’m just starting out in community management/marketing media and trying to learn how to do it well - resources like this article are incredibly helpful. As our company is based in the US, it’s all a bit new to us. The example above is something that I worry about as well, how to show your own genuine enthusiasm and share the fact that your product is useful in that case
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Posted by aupair on 07/11/09 at 11:20 AM

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Personal blog of christian writer & fallible mom Katy McKenna Raymond in Kansas City, Missouri Katy is represented by Greg Johnson at WordServe Literary Read more Katy at LateBoomer.net Follow Katy on Twitter Follow Katy on Facebook 123 Recent Posts Try Becoming Brenda Starr Off Beat Scattered That’s It So I’ve Finally Signed With An Agent. Now What? The Spoon Sciatica Sweetheart A Woman’s Train of Thought Has No Caboose However much we own, we are all still living on borrowed time After all, when restaurants shrink portions, they don’t shrink prices. As with everything in life, balance is key. Slow down, you move too fast… Yeah, I know. I have issues. Search Advanced Search Syndicate Login E me at katy @ ngenius.com	Taking My Lumps He could have just greeted me with a cheery “Good morning!”, but no. “Would you like to be a lump?” he asked, before I’d even had my first cup of coffee. Man, I could have gone off on him right then and there, but I held my peace. He pointed to a verse in 1st Corinthians, New King James version in case you want to do the comps. “Well,” he continued with only the slightest trepidation, “it says right here that you should ‘purge out the old leaven, that you may be a new lump.’” I swear he smirked and then chuckled under his breath, but don’t imagine I couldn’t hear him. Even with my deaf ear pointed his way. I’m talented like that. I’ll admit that purging sometimes sounds like a plan (one I would not follow through on), but if it’s only to be a new lump, what have I gained? Might as well keep my old familiar lumps, if you know what I"m saying. Which brings me to Katy’s Dilemma Of The Day. My back’s out. I mean, really out. The kind of out that makes me scream when unanticipated spasms shoot through my sacroiliacal region, which is approximately every three seconds, making the shooting pains fall clearly into the realm of the should-be-anticipated-if-you’re-halfway-intelligent, but you wouldn’t want to quibble with a medicated woman, would you? I didn’t think so. One week from today, when our beautiful daughter is easily slinking her unlumpy 25-year-old body into the wedding dress of her dreams, I’ll be confronting my new girdle. That’s right—girdle. Honestly, I did not know they’d come back out with the kind of undergarments I remember my grandmother wearing in the ‘50s. I’m talking high-rise, thigh-covering, midriff eliminating, rear-end lifting—the works. The thing actually has STAYS in it—I guess what would be the equivalent of underwires in a bra, only more…dear Lord, deliver me…heavy-duty. Anyway, I saw this contraption at Kohl’s. So, in honor of the grandma I loved and in memory of the lumps of fat she so carefully and tastefully contained, I plunked down a hefty chunk of change and got me one. I even gave it a test drive a few weeks ago, when I still had my strength and wits about me. Believe me, a woman must be in GREAT SHAPE to apply one of these puppies and have a ragged breath leftover to tell the tale. But now, alas, my poor body has fallen into disrepair. My biggest fear today is that my back will not be sufficiently cured for me to sausage myself into my expensive smoothing apparatus next Saturday. And even though my dress is a respectable size six, it’s VERY fitted. Suffice it to say that if I can’t pull the girdle up, I won’t be pulling the dress down. In answer to my husband’s theological question du jour, I glared at him and said, “No, I do NOT want to be a lump.” Sometimes, our Bible studies are really short. Posted by Katy on 06/23/07 at 08:15 AM Fallible Comments... Aw, Katy. I'm sorry about your back. :( Hope it's all better before the wedding. If it's any consolation, you're a very cute lump. Love, Jeanne Posted by Jeanne Damoff on 06/23/07 at 09:44 AM Katy, I doubt you need it (well, maybe only to fit in your dress!). I wore something similar for my brother's wedding, but not as heavy-duty as yours sounds. I hope your back gets better, fast! You shouldn't be in pain on your only daughter's wedding day... :) Posted by Sunflower on 06/23/07 at 10:34 AM "Spanx" brand of sausage-casings for-women and I are on a first-name basis. "Spanx" are the only ones that I can get on when my infamous back goes out. I sure hope and pray you are feeling better, girl. Remember how you took care of me when my back went out? I sure wish I could do the same for you!! Hugs! Posted by Suzan on 06/23/07 at 01:56 PM Sending prayers that your back problems are long gone before the wedding. Good luck with the girdle. I don't envy you getting into one of those. Posted by Maria on 06/23/07 at 05:11 PM sausage as verb. love it ;) (prayers your back is back by next week or even better, before that, as I'm sure you maybe have one or two things to do before the big day!) Posted by lisa on 06/24/07 at 08:46 PM buy phentermine \| Cheapest viagra \| buying viagra \| Tantric massage \| Pitching machine \| Deep fryer \| Buckwheat pillow Posted by tvojumat on 10/07/07 at 06:06 PM Great post! I’m just starting out in community management/marketing media and trying to learn how to do it well - resources like this article are incredibly helpful. As our company is based in the US, it’s all a bit new to us. The example above is something that I worry about as well, how to show your own genuine enthusiasm and share the fact that your product is useful in that case Regards, <a href="http://www.euraupair.com">au pair services</a> Posted by aupair on 07/11/09 at 11:20 AM Page 1 of 1 pages Commenting is not available in this weblog entry. 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Taking My Lumps

Personal blog of christian
writer & fallible mom
Katy McKenna Raymond
in Kansas City, Missouri