Sleepless In Kansas City

I have some relatively young readers, and I’m afraid you may be misled into believing that when you have babies and small children, you are living through the most sleepless nights of your lives. You may actually be deceived into looking forward to your later years, when you plan to snooze undisturbed.

If you’re anticipating the type of “deep and dreamless sleep” that would do a Christmas carol justice, think again. I haven’t had a full night’s sleep since Scott Douglas Raymond, soon to turn 29 years old, took three days to be born.

“How can that be?” you might ask. “Three whole days?” Yeah, and three whole nights, too. OK, technically, they charted my labor at 26 hours. Scott was born at 2 a.m., which means that whole night was lost, sleepwise. However, I was in mild labor the entire night before that one, and after enjoying him during the day after his birth, I was too excited to sleep the NEXT night.

It was like REALLY bad jet lag, but with a darling baby and a sitz bath for scenery.

Scotty was a wakeful child. Day and night, from birth. I once complained (while pregnant with Carrie) to his pediatrician that I was desperate to find a cure for his naplessness. Hoping to connect on an intellectual basis, the doctor turned to two-year-old Scott and said, “You need to take a nap in the afternoon because your mother is very tired.”

It’s safe to say I haven’t slept more than three hours at a time for all these years. And if, during those three hours, so much as a faint shadow passes in front of my closed eyes (indicating someone standing near me in the room), I’m SO awake it’s pathetic.

Once all the babies are born and getting older, you might think things settle down. You only think this if you’ve never heard of ear infections. Or throwing up. You don’t think these illnesses strike during daylight, do you? Where have you been all your life??

The nocturnal sicknesses begin to die down when the first child gets his driving permit. You will lie wide awake, your eyes fixated on the ceiling, just imagining the day your podunk backward state grants a license to your obviously terrible driver of a child. You will pray the age to drive is raised to at least 35, quick. You might even circulate petitions to that effect.

Then, when the inevitable happens and your incompetent license bureau grants permission for your kid to wreak havoc on interstate highways at a speed that may very well be faster than guardian angels are able to fly, your eyes won’t close for upwards of four years. Per child. This is where having twins would come in very handy.

During this time, your prayer life will experience a remarkable resurgence. The main thing you will pray about, besides the safety of your driving children and every vehicle with which they come into contact, is that you will be able to function for a much longer time than you ever thought possible on no sleep. None whatsoever.

About the time your youngest child has been driving for four years, and you are catching a cat nap of fifteen minutes or so every now and then, your oldest child will decide on backpacking across some very iffy countries in Asia—alone—for several weeks. He will email you that he is staying in hole-in-the-wall dives to the tune of $1 per night. He will even email you a picture of the so-called room.

You will discover that most of your children’s traveling passions—whether for missions or personal fulfillment—involve countries with epidemics of malaria, non-existent legitimate governments, and State Department warnings urging Americans to STAY AWAY. (Waving to Carrie and Kevin!)

You will be scared, very scared. Jesus will soothe your fears, but will you sleep? Try it and let me know how it works for you.

Mixed up with all this kid stuff, there will probably be a few parent things going on, too. In 2008 alone, I have spent five nights thus far with my mother in the ER. I’m talking all-nighters, people! I used to get sick if I stayed up all night at a slumber party, and I was only fourteen at the time. My body wasn’t made to stay up for 24 hours at a time, and yet—I do.

A good night for me is now one during which I’ve got a kid galavanting around a country in which a ton of travelers end up caught dead while also dealing with Mom and her seriously infectious bacterial infection of the intestine. (Please don’t ask for a list of symptoms.) When you ain’t sleeping anyway, you might as well double dip. You know what I’m sayin’?

Just when you think things are settling down a bit, your daughter will get married to a terrific guy. A really stable guy, you know? But the weather isn’t stable, and that’s when he comes to life. For you see, he’s a meteorologist.

Kansas City, as you may know, is in the thick of what’s known as Tornado Alley. I have spent fourteen years in this house, and I can count on a few hands how many times I’ve visited my own basement—and none of them have been during a storm. But now? I’ve got my darling daughter Carrie calling me at 1 a.m. saying, “Mom, Marc says you and Dad HAVE to go to the basement! NOW!!”

“Carrie,” I say, “honestly, we’ve just now gotten to sleep. Can’t this wait till morning?”

“Mom! Tornado! Promise me you’ll go to the basement!”

And so I promise her. Because that’s the kind of mom I am. And I’ll just bet you’re that kind of mom, too.

The kind of mom who goes from staying awake worrying about others to staying awake while others worry about you.

That, fallible ones, is the Sleepless Circle of Life. I’m not sure it lasts forever, but you might as well know that I’m at 29 years and counting.

But, oh, the beautiful people over whom I’ve lost all that sleep.

Posted by Katy on 05/06/08 at 06:39 PM

Fallible Comments...

Oh mom (wave back)...Haiti isn't that bad.
Posted by Carrie Dahmer on 05/07/08 at 01:43 AM
Hi, Katie--
Enjoyed my first visit--just read to Vicki your 'Sleepless in KC' blog entry; ver' nice, y'all.

I was reminded of the Warren Zevon album titled "I'll sleep when I'm dead"--morbid, but funny and true!
Posted by Sam on 05/07/08 at 12:39 PM
Carrie--You are right. Dead bodies on the side of the road don't freak me out a BIT. :)

Sam and Vicki--Hi! Fun to see you here! Yeah, I've always heard it said, "There's plenty of time to sleep when you're dead," but I'm thinking we won't actually be sleeping much then, either!!!
Posted by Katy on 05/07/08 at 11:06 PM
Katy...we should join a sleepless club! I'm only going on about 18 years...but who's counting?!
Posted by Bridget on 05/08/08 at 02:16 PM
This is all very depressing...I thought it couldn't get worse than a 7 month old waking to be fed 3 times a night combined with people above you washing dishes at 2 am (which is very loud in the concrete, no insulation, porcelain sink laden building we live in!)when you have just managed to fall back to sleep. I was really looking forward to sleeping again in the future! Which by the way, Jack is now 14 months old and sleeps much better, but our building is still ridiculously loud, like living in a dorm with your family, not cool :) Thank you for getting me prepared for the sleepless future! (that was sincere not sarcastic by the way) Sorry about the complaining, we are actually doing well, I just really love to sleep.
Posted by Kimberly on 05/26/08 at 01:46 PM

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Personal blog of christian writer & fallible mom Katy McKenna Raymond in Kansas City, Missouri Katy is represented by Greg Johnson at WordServe Literary Read more Katy at LateBoomer.net Follow Katy on Twitter Follow Katy on Facebook 123 Recent Posts Try Becoming Brenda Starr Off Beat Scattered That’s It So I’ve Finally Signed With An Agent. Now What? The Spoon Sciatica Sweetheart A Woman’s Train of Thought Has No Caboose However much we own, we are all still living on borrowed time After all, when restaurants shrink portions, they don’t shrink prices. As with everything in life, balance is key. Slow down, you move too fast… Yeah, I know. I have issues. Search Advanced Search Syndicate Login E me at katy @ ngenius.com	Sleepless In Kansas City I have some relatively young readers, and I’m afraid you may be misled into believing that when you have babies and small children, you are living through the most sleepless nights of your lives. You may actually be deceived into looking forward to your later years, when you plan to snooze undisturbed. If you’re anticipating the type of “deep and dreamless sleep” that would do a Christmas carol justice, think again. I haven’t had a full night’s sleep since Scott Douglas Raymond, soon to turn 29 years old, took three days to be born. “How can that be?” you might ask. “Three whole days?” Yeah, and three whole nights, too. OK, technically, they charted my labor at 26 hours. Scott was born at 2 a.m., which means that whole night was lost, sleepwise. However, I was in mild labor the entire night before that one, and after enjoying him during the day after his birth, I was too excited to sleep the NEXT night. It was like REALLY bad jet lag, but with a darling baby and a sitz bath for scenery. Scotty was a wakeful child. Day and night, from birth. I once complained (while pregnant with Carrie) to his pediatrician that I was desperate to find a cure for his naplessness. Hoping to connect on an intellectual basis, the doctor turned to two-year-old Scott and said, “You need to take a nap in the afternoon because your mother is very tired.” It’s safe to say I haven’t slept more than three hours at a time for all these years. And if, during those three hours, so much as a faint shadow passes in front of my closed eyes (indicating someone standing near me in the room), I’m SO awake it’s pathetic. Once all the babies are born and getting older, you might think things settle down. You only think this if you’ve never heard of ear infections. Or throwing up. You don’t think these illnesses strike during daylight, do you? Where have you been all your life?? The nocturnal sicknesses begin to die down when the first child gets his driving permit. You will lie wide awake, your eyes fixated on the ceiling, just imagining the day your podunk backward state grants a license to your obviously terrible driver of a child. You will pray the age to drive is raised to at least 35, quick. You might even circulate petitions to that effect. Then, when the inevitable happens and your incompetent license bureau grants permission for your kid to wreak havoc on interstate highways at a speed that may very well be faster than guardian angels are able to fly, your eyes won’t close for upwards of four years. Per child. This is where having twins would come in very handy. During this time, your prayer life will experience a remarkable resurgence. The main thing you will pray about, besides the safety of your driving children and every vehicle with which they come into contact, is that you will be able to function for a much longer time than you ever thought possible on no sleep. None whatsoever. About the time your youngest child has been driving for four years, and you are catching a cat nap of fifteen minutes or so every now and then, your oldest child will decide on backpacking across some very iffy countries in Asia—alone—for several weeks. He will email you that he is staying in hole-in-the-wall dives to the tune of $1 per night. He will even email you a picture of the so-called room. You will discover that most of your children’s traveling passions—whether for missions or personal fulfillment—involve countries with epidemics of malaria, non-existent legitimate governments, and State Department warnings urging Americans to STAY AWAY. (Waving to Carrie and Kevin!) You will be scared, very scared. Jesus will soothe your fears, but will you sleep? Try it and let me know how it works for you. Mixed up with all this kid stuff, there will probably be a few parent things going on, too. In 2008 alone, I have spent five nights thus far with my mother in the ER. I’m talking all-nighters, people! I used to get sick if I stayed up all night at a slumber party, and I was only fourteen at the time. My body wasn’t made to stay up for 24 hours at a time, and yet—I do. A good night for me is now one during which I’ve got a kid galavanting around a country in which a ton of travelers end up caught dead while also dealing with Mom and her seriously infectious bacterial infection of the intestine. (Please don’t ask for a list of symptoms.) When you ain’t sleeping anyway, you might as well double dip. You know what I’m sayin’? Just when you think things are settling down a bit, your daughter will get married to a terrific guy. A really stable guy, you know? But the weather isn’t stable, and that’s when he comes to life. For you see, he’s a meteorologist. Kansas City, as you may know, is in the thick of what’s known as Tornado Alley. I have spent fourteen years in this house, and I can count on a few hands how many times I’ve visited my own basement—and none of them have been during a storm. But now? I’ve got my darling daughter Carrie calling me at 1 a.m. saying, “Mom, Marc says you and Dad HAVE to go to the basement! NOW!!” “Carrie,” I say, “honestly, we’ve just now gotten to sleep. Can’t this wait till morning?” “Mom! Tornado! Promise me you’ll go to the basement!” And so I promise her. Because that’s the kind of mom I am. And I’ll just bet you’re that kind of mom, too. The kind of mom who goes from staying awake worrying about others to staying awake while others worry about you. That, fallible ones, is the Sleepless Circle of Life. I’m not sure it lasts forever, but you might as well know that I’m at 29 years and counting. But, oh, the beautiful people over whom I’ve lost all that sleep. Posted by Katy on 05/06/08 at 06:39 PM Fallible Comments... Oh mom (wave back)...Haiti isn't that bad. Posted by Carrie Dahmer on 05/07/08 at 01:43 AM Hi, Katie-- Enjoyed my first visit--just read to Vicki your 'Sleepless in KC' blog entry; ver' nice, y'all. I was reminded of the Warren Zevon album titled "I'll sleep when I'm dead"--morbid, but funny and true! Posted by Sam on 05/07/08 at 12:39 PM Carrie--You are right. Dead bodies on the side of the road don't freak me out a BIT. :) Sam and Vicki--Hi! Fun to see you here! Yeah, I've always heard it said, "There's plenty of time to sleep when you're dead," but I'm thinking we won't actually be sleeping much then, either!!! Posted by Katy on 05/07/08 at 11:06 PM Katy...we should join a sleepless club! I'm only going on about 18 years...but who's counting?! Posted by Bridget on 05/08/08 at 02:16 PM This is all very depressing...I thought it couldn't get worse than a 7 month old waking to be fed 3 times a night combined with people above you washing dishes at 2 am (which is very loud in the concrete, no insulation, porcelain sink laden building we live in!)when you have just managed to fall back to sleep. I was really looking forward to sleeping again in the future! Which by the way, Jack is now 14 months old and sleeps much better, but our building is still ridiculously loud, like living in a dorm with your family, not cool :) Thank you for getting me prepared for the sleepless future! (that was sincere not sarcastic by the way) Sorry about the complaining, we are actually doing well, I just really love to sleep. Posted by Kimberly on 05/26/08 at 01:46 PM Page 1 of 1 pages Commenting is not available in this weblog entry. Next entry: Through Irish Eyes Previous entry: I KNEW My Son-In-Law Was A Winner! << Back to main


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Personal blog of christianwriter & fallible momKaty McKenna Raymondin Kansas City, Missouri

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Sleepless In Kansas City

Personal blog of christian
writer & fallible mom
Katy McKenna Raymond
in Kansas City, Missouri