Short List

When I was young, and by that I mean until last week, I had a running list of the things that I would never allow to happen to me in my old age. I still have the list, but it's getting shorter.

As a child of eight or nine, I felt that our family was living in deprivation since I had decided that a happy home should never be without an unopened bag of chocolate chips--just in case. (I believed similarly about cases of 16-ounce bottles of Coke, and cartons of Eskimo Pies, but for some reason those items never made it onto my actual list.)

I moved out when I was eighteen, and there has never been a moment when my household has gone wanting for chocolate chips. I haven't touched sugar in four years, but it's the principle of the thing, isn't it? The presence of chocolate chips is a constant, something I can depend on, a certainty.

Until recently, I felt that way about eyebrows.

I had told myself, in my innocent youth, that I would NEVER become one of those ladies who has plucked out all of her own eyebrows for some reason known only to her and God, and then is forced to pencil in a totally artificial looking pair.

Why would a woman do that? WHY?

I will turn fifty in a few short weeks, and I am wiser now than I've ever been, if by wisdom one means an accumulation of knowledge and experience that might help someone else not be as idiotic as I've been.

Here's what happens to eyebrows, and I will spare you none of the horrific details:

Eventually, if you pluck your brows, they will stop growing in that area, which sounds like a deal. It's really OK, as long as you have defined your brows exactly as you wish them to be shaped for all eternity. But--and this is a big but--on the day that you accidentally misplace all your prudence and fashion sense and, out of a crazed overzealousness, pluck those puppies too narrow or too thin, THAT WILL BE THE DAY your eyebrows decide to stop growing in that area.

Mark my words. Or my eyebrows. Take your pick.

And that's not all.

You may believe, as I did, that the only goofballs who end up with gray eyebrows are the ones who plucked their brows to pieces, and the new ones (assuming they were lucky enough to get new ones) came in gray.

You may believe that if you just act with sanity as regards your eyebrows, you'll be OK.

Here's what really happens: When you get close to fifty, whichever brows haven't been plucked to death will start growing so fast and so long that you'll be running to the bathroom mirror every coffee break to check on them. And soon you'll realize that one of the reasons God made curved manicure scissors is because they work marvelously at trimming brows down to a respectable and manageable length.

BEWARE! One day, when you lean into the mirror and innocently trim those long brows that--if the world were a fair and just place--would be long eyelashes instead, you will be horrified to find that what is left of those few eyebrows that you haven't plucked and have carefully trimmed is completely GRAY.

So now you have a real dilemma, don't you? If you trim those two-inch long brows, you'll remove the only color that remains, but if you don't, well. You'll have two-inch long brows.

Once the crazy growth begins, the gray takes over. Trust me on this.

If you still have a list of things you've decided will NEVER happen to you when you get old, you can go ahead and cross off "I'll never put myself in a position of needing to pencil in fake eyebrows."

At least now I know what everyone's talking about when they say "grow a pair."

Posted by Katy on 11/24/03 at 02:45 PM

Fallible Comments...

I guess this is the reason that I don't pluck...never have, probably never will.
-----
Posted by Bridget on 11/24/03 at 08:54 PM
Hopefully, you won't need to trim, either, little sister. That's the second hurdle!
Posted by katy on 11/24/03 at 08:55 PM
> and this is a big but

Um... I didn't say it! :)

It's funny. I must have chocolate chips in the house all of the time too, though, I call them "goodies," and I still eat 'em!

Now, if I can only get my ear hair to stop growing in... And I will NEVER pencil them in!!!
Posted by timsamoff on 11/25/03 at 02:19 AM
i can march bravely into pre-pre-pre-middle age with you marking the way for me, katy...thanks ever so much! ;)
Posted by lisa on 11/25/03 at 04:45 AM
too. stinking. hilarious.

perhaps i just find this so funny because i am incredibly eyebrow-conscious (one of my few shortcomings ;) ), but that entry cracked me up.
Posted by bethany on 11/25/03 at 05:47 AM
i've had various eyebrow fiascos over the years (one of which involved half of one eyebrow being shaved off. don't ask) but i can testify to the fact that indeed bethany has had eyebrows to envy for years already :)
Posted by lindsey on 11/25/03 at 06:51 AM
aww...thanks linds. that's one of the nicest things anyone's ever said to me. sniff, sniff. :)
Posted by bethany on 11/25/03 at 09:37 PM
Like Bridget, I don't pluck and probably never will! I have just never seen the point :)
Posted by irene on 11/26/03 at 09:58 AM
*hee*hee*hee* I read this just after experimenting with putting gel in my eyebrows to try to force them to submit. Glad I'm not the only one with eyebrow issues.
Posted by Mary on 12/02/03 at 06:36 PM
I pluck my eyebrows and they look great. I can't wait for the day they stop growing! :)
Posted by Lily on 04/12/04 at 07:52 AM

Page 1 of 1 pages

Commenting is not available in this weblog entry.

Next entry: Word Order

Previous entry: The Onion Publishes Sad Truth

<< Back to main


		more fallible attitude »

Personal blog of christian writer & fallible mom Katy McKenna Raymond in Kansas City, Missouri Katy is represented by Greg Johnson at WordServe Literary Read more Katy at LateBoomer.net Follow Katy on Twitter Follow Katy on Facebook 123 Recent Posts Try Becoming Brenda Starr Off Beat Scattered That’s It So I’ve Finally Signed With An Agent. Now What? The Spoon Sciatica Sweetheart A Woman’s Train of Thought Has No Caboose However much we own, we are all still living on borrowed time After all, when restaurants shrink portions, they don’t shrink prices. As with everything in life, balance is key. Slow down, you move too fast… Yeah, I know. I have issues. Search Advanced Search Syndicate Login E me at katy @ ngenius.com	Short List When I was young, and by that I mean until last week, I had a running list of the things that I would never allow to happen to me in my old age. I still have the list, but it's getting shorter. As a child of eight or nine, I felt that our family was living in deprivation since I had decided that a happy home should never be without an unopened bag of chocolate chips--just in case. (I believed similarly about cases of 16-ounce bottles of Coke, and cartons of Eskimo Pies, but for some reason those items never made it onto my actual list.) I moved out when I was eighteen, and there has never been a moment when my household has gone wanting for chocolate chips. I haven't touched sugar in four years, but it's the principle of the thing, isn't it? The presence of chocolate chips is a constant, something I can depend on, a certainty. Until recently, I felt that way about eyebrows. I had told myself, in my innocent youth, that I would NEVER become one of those ladies who has plucked out all of her own eyebrows for some reason known only to her and God, and then is forced to pencil in a totally artificial looking pair. Why would a woman do that? WHY? I will turn fifty in a few short weeks, and I am wiser now than I've ever been, if by wisdom one means an accumulation of knowledge and experience that might help someone else not be as idiotic as I've been. Here's what happens to eyebrows, and I will spare you none of the horrific details: Eventually, if you pluck your brows, they will stop growing in that area, which sounds like a deal. It's really OK, as long as you have defined your brows exactly as you wish them to be shaped for all eternity. But--and this is a big but--on the day that you accidentally misplace all your prudence and fashion sense and, out of a crazed overzealousness, pluck those puppies too narrow or too thin, THAT WILL BE THE DAY your eyebrows decide to stop growing in that area. Mark my words. Or my eyebrows. Take your pick. And that's not all. You may believe, as I did, that the only goofballs who end up with gray eyebrows are the ones who plucked their brows to pieces, and the new ones (assuming they were lucky enough to get new ones) came in gray. You may believe that if you just act with sanity as regards your eyebrows, you'll be OK. Here's what really happens: When you get close to fifty, whichever brows haven't been plucked to death will start growing so fast and so long that you'll be running to the bathroom mirror every coffee break to check on them. And soon you'll realize that one of the reasons God made curved manicure scissors is because they work marvelously at trimming brows down to a respectable and manageable length. BEWARE! One day, when you lean into the mirror and innocently trim those long brows that--if the world were a fair and just place--would be long eyelashes instead, you will be horrified to find that what is left of those few eyebrows that you haven't plucked and have carefully trimmed is completely GRAY. So now you have a real dilemma, don't you? If you trim those two-inch long brows, you'll remove the only color that remains, but if you don't, well. You'll have two-inch long brows. Once the crazy growth begins, the gray takes over. Trust me on this. If you still have a list of things you've decided will NEVER happen to you when you get old, you can go ahead and cross off "I'll never put myself in a position of needing to pencil in fake eyebrows." At least now I know what everyone's talking about when they say "grow a pair." Posted by Katy on 11/24/03 at 02:45 PM Fallible Comments... I guess this is the reason that I don't pluck...never have, probably never will. ----- Posted by Bridget on 11/24/03 at 08:54 PM Hopefully, you won't need to trim, either, little sister. That's the second hurdle! Posted by katy on 11/24/03 at 08:55 PM > and this is a big but Um... I didn't say it! :) It's funny. I must have chocolate chips in the house all of the time too, though, I call them "goodies," and I still eat 'em! Now, if I can only get my ear hair to stop growing in... And I will NEVER pencil them in!!! Posted by timsamoff on 11/25/03 at 02:19 AM i can march bravely into pre-pre-pre-middle age with you marking the way for me, katy...thanks ever so much! ;) Posted by lisa on 11/25/03 at 04:45 AM too. stinking. hilarious. perhaps i just find this so funny because i am incredibly eyebrow-conscious (one of my few shortcomings ;) ), but that entry cracked me up. Posted by bethany on 11/25/03 at 05:47 AM i've had various eyebrow fiascos over the years (one of which involved half of one eyebrow being shaved off. don't ask) but i can testify to the fact that indeed bethany has had eyebrows to envy for years already :) Posted by lindsey on 11/25/03 at 06:51 AM aww...thanks linds. that's one of the nicest things anyone's ever said to me. sniff, sniff. :) Posted by bethany on 11/25/03 at 09:37 PM Like Bridget, I don't pluck and probably never will! I have just never seen the point :) Posted by irene on 11/26/03 at 09:58 AM heeheehee I read this just after experimenting with putting gel in my eyebrows to try to force them to submit. Glad I'm not the only one with eyebrow issues. Posted by Mary on 12/02/03 at 06:36 PM I pluck my eyebrows and they look great. I can't wait for the day they stop growing! :) Posted by Lily on 04/12/04 at 07:52 AM Page 1 of 1 pages Commenting is not available in this weblog entry. Next entry: Word Order Previous entry: The Onion Publishes Sad Truth << Back to main


copyright 2011, ngenius media inc.

Personal blog of christianwriter & fallible momKaty McKenna Raymondin Kansas City, Missouri

Recent Posts

Search

Syndicate

Short List

Personal blog of christian
writer & fallible mom
Katy McKenna Raymond
in Kansas City, Missouri