Revelation

I honestly thought my only daughter was the packrat of the universe. She just packed it up and moved it out, I’m sure you’ll remember, a couple weeks in advance of her wedding, which was four weeks ago.

I had her throw all the clothes and assorted paraphernalia overboard (from the upstairs loft into the living room) as she sorted and purged and cleaned. Then I took over, assigning a value to her giveaways so that I could haul the loaded trash bags up to the thrift store.

The bags didn’t actually make it to the store until last week because life—that is, the other parts of it—got it in the way. In the meantime, Kevin moved back home after his stint in Switzerland and we threw the wedding of the decade.

Now our little buddy’s moving out, since he apparently believed us when we told him on the plane home from his graduation that he had two months to find a job and an apartment. He starts his job—at a fabulous European-style hotel on the Plaza called The Raphael—on Tuesday. By August 11 (the EXACT end of the two-month grace period), he’ll move in with some friends who live in a house one of them owns.

So he’s throwing his old clothes and assorted paraphernalia overboard, from the upstairs loft into the living room. (It’s like deja-vu all over again, huh?) In addition, he’s carting up all the junk he’s got in his old bedroom in the basement. Trust me that when I say “junk,” I mean complete and utter junk. I’m afraid to touch some of it without rubber gloves.

I’ve told him he can store a few things here, for the day when he moves into a space larger than one room. But everything he wants us to hold onto has to fit into the totally emptied and vacuumed walk-in closet in the basement bedroom. EVERYTHING. He’ll have to stand the couch on one arm, but that’s life.

It’s SHOCKING how much stuff he’s getting rid of that I haven’t laid eyes on since the day his dad and I gave it to him for a birthday or Christmas present. Stuff I remember thinking he’d LOVE at the time I plunked down a chunk of change for it. The same thing happened just a few weeks ago with Carrie’s stuff, so the point is, we’ll just say, being driven home to me.

We have spent upwards of a gazillion dollars on stuff the kids didn’t want, need, or know what to do with. Kevin even made me promise when he started dragging stuff into the living room that I wouldn’t get mad about anything he wanted to get rid of. I promised, but man, I had a hard time biting my tongue a few times.

Of course, I’m not mad at him. Or at Carrie or Scott, either. But I am first, second, and third guessing myself. I am questioning a value system which would drive me to believe (or worse yet, FEEL) that three or four nice presents for Christmas aren’t enough, that I must “fill in” with all kinds of dumb stuff to make the space under the tree look full and festive and exciting.

So I’ll take my tax deduction for donating the whole lot of it to the thrift store. Mere pennies recovered for untold hundreds of dollars spent (thousands, really, but who’s counting, right?). And that’s not considering the value of my time as I drive from sale to sale, shop, wrap, dust, store forgotten on basement shelves, regret purchasing, evaluate for tax-deduction purposes, box up, and haul to the charity shop.

I guess you could say I’m going through the Empty Nest Syndrome. But in my case, the birds ain’t the only ones to go.

Posted by Katy on 07/29/07 at 06:02 PM

Fallible Comments...

It was tradition in our household for many years that our daughters would give the clothes they outgrew to their younger cousins in Tulsa. Nothing got me more wise to our youngest daughter Lisa's "urgent, must have it, I really really want it" needs than those occasions when we'd see my nieces and they'd got thru bags and bags of stuff, that I paid for...much of it with the pricetags still dangling from the sleeve. Lisa never wore man of the items that she urgently, absolutely had to have....and, of course, never bothered to tell us she didn't like them, or they didn't fit, or weren't cool, or whatever, when we could have returned them.

That's when I made the "I know __________ is the cool store" you can expect to get one item (choose carefully) from ________ because everything else is coming from Wal-mart rule." There were addendums like...you won't hurt my feelings if you want to take it back and get something else...I will throttle your neck if it just rots in your closet until we give it to your cousins addendum.
Soon, the cousin's outgrew Lisa so I had to periodically check her closet for stuff that had gone unworn/unused...that we could take back.

It wasn't until my stepson Joey moved away to college did I realize many of the "cool gadgets" we bought him as a child, were played with once...and then discarded. At least I had him haul out that Goodwill.

Of course, it's an inherited trait. Amy will drag stuff home with the best of intentions, and never get around to using it. We have some curtain gadget from a Home Show 12 years ago that she still won't let me throw out, although neither of us remember how it was supposed to work.

I've taken to simply taking out the trash and glancing in the garage for anything I can toss in, in the dark of night just to keep enough room to walk to washer or find the lawnmower.

Our kids are lucky we don't have a loft...the wastefulness, thoughtlessness, of their attitudes for many years might have resulted in something else "being tossed" over the side.

It's amazing how when they all got out on their own and had to pay for their own stuff...how Wal-mart wasn't "embarassing" and the girl's didn't "absolutely have to have" the trendy make up with the 50 dollar "free gift" if you spent way too much on way too little.

My prayer for grandchildren often includes the words, "God just give me enough years to be able to teach one child to say,'I WANNA GO TO THE GAP!'" at the top of his or her lungs :)
Posted by Michael Main on 07/29/07 at 10:13 PM
I have just been through a very similar thing - as we are moving in a few weeks. Only, since the kids are no longer here, I bundled the whole lot into bags and bins and sent them home with the kids. It's just as well as I don't know the fate of things I fell in love with for them!
Posted by violet on 07/29/07 at 11:31 PM
My parents have always erred on the side of necessity. Not necessary meant "You're most likely not getting it". Also, they don't believe in giving Christmas gifts because it would make us look forward to Christmas for the wrong reasons!

I'm the packrat in the family. I buy all kinds of stuff and have a hard time throwing stuff out. None of the others have the same problem ;)
Posted by Sunflower on 07/31/07 at 04:21 AM
You just wrote this as I'm shopping for both Dylan and Baillie's upcoming 16th and 18th birthdays, respectively. If I had the money, of course, they'd both get cars and I'd be done with the whole thing, but we know that's not happening. So, I'm using the list that Dylan gave to me and following it to a T, purchasing specific CDs, DVDs and books that he wants. Same goes for Baillie. Neither will be surprised, but they will be happy with their gifts, along with an iTunes gift card thrown in for fun! :)
Posted by Bridget on 08/01/07 at 12:14 AM
Michael--It sounds like you and Amy had a much better handle on this stuff than Doug and I did. Ah, well. Live and learn, eh? But why is it that we learn stuff to late for it to do us any good????

Violet--Hey, lady!! Congrats on the moving--sounds like a plan. I think I am ready to downsize, but my husband isn't there yet. You are right--knowing the fate of "stuff" isn't always fun. I've nearly cried over a few things Kevin is getting rid of--but mostly I'm dismayed wondering how many times my gifts failed to please...

Sunflower--One thing I've learned (too late! Ha!) is that our own parents never manage to do things "right." Then we decide to lead our lives with the opposite approach. Unfortunately, when we have kids, we eventually realize that they are spending their childhoods tallying up all the ways we're messing up! :)

Bridget--Great approach! They really are pleased when you just get them the stuff on the freakin' list!!! I can't believe those two babies of yours are all grown up. Heck, I can't even believe YOU'RE all grown up!!
Posted by Katy on 08/03/07 at 12:14 PM

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Personal blog of christian writer & fallible mom Katy McKenna Raymond in Kansas City, Missouri Katy is represented by Greg Johnson at WordServe Literary Read more Katy at LateBoomer.net Follow Katy on Twitter Follow Katy on Facebook 123 Recent Posts Try Becoming Brenda Starr Off Beat Scattered That’s It So I’ve Finally Signed With An Agent. Now What? The Spoon Sciatica Sweetheart A Woman’s Train of Thought Has No Caboose However much we own, we are all still living on borrowed time After all, when restaurants shrink portions, they don’t shrink prices. As with everything in life, balance is key. Slow down, you move too fast… Yeah, I know. I have issues. Search Advanced Search Syndicate Login E me at katy @ ngenius.com	Revelation I honestly thought my only daughter was the packrat of the universe. She just packed it up and moved it out, I’m sure you’ll remember, a couple weeks in advance of her wedding, which was four weeks ago. I had her throw all the clothes and assorted paraphernalia overboard (from the upstairs loft into the living room) as she sorted and purged and cleaned. Then I took over, assigning a value to her giveaways so that I could haul the loaded trash bags up to the thrift store. The bags didn’t actually make it to the store until last week because life—that is, the other parts of it—got it in the way. In the meantime, Kevin moved back home after his stint in Switzerland and we threw the wedding of the decade. Now our little buddy’s moving out, since he apparently believed us when we told him on the plane home from his graduation that he had two months to find a job and an apartment. He starts his job—at a fabulous European-style hotel on the Plaza called The Raphael—on Tuesday. By August 11 (the EXACT end of the two-month grace period), he’ll move in with some friends who live in a house one of them owns. So he’s throwing his old clothes and assorted paraphernalia overboard, from the upstairs loft into the living room. (It’s like deja-vu all over again, huh?) In addition, he’s carting up all the junk he’s got in his old bedroom in the basement. Trust me that when I say “junk,” I mean complete and utter junk. I’m afraid to touch some of it without rubber gloves. I’ve told him he can store a few things here, for the day when he moves into a space larger than one room. But everything he wants us to hold onto has to fit into the totally emptied and vacuumed walk-in closet in the basement bedroom. EVERYTHING. He’ll have to stand the couch on one arm, but that’s life. It’s SHOCKING how much stuff he’s getting rid of that I haven’t laid eyes on since the day his dad and I gave it to him for a birthday or Christmas present. Stuff I remember thinking he’d LOVE at the time I plunked down a chunk of change for it. The same thing happened just a few weeks ago with Carrie’s stuff, so the point is, we’ll just say, being driven home to me. We have spent upwards of a gazillion dollars on stuff the kids didn’t want, need, or know what to do with. Kevin even made me promise when he started dragging stuff into the living room that I wouldn’t get mad about anything he wanted to get rid of. I promised, but man, I had a hard time biting my tongue a few times. Of course, I’m not mad at him. Or at Carrie or Scott, either. But I am first, second, and third guessing myself. I am questioning a value system which would drive me to believe (or worse yet, FEEL) that three or four nice presents for Christmas aren’t enough, that I must “fill in” with all kinds of dumb stuff to make the space under the tree look full and festive and exciting. So I’ll take my tax deduction for donating the whole lot of it to the thrift store. Mere pennies recovered for untold hundreds of dollars spent (thousands, really, but who’s counting, right?). And that’s not considering the value of my time as I drive from sale to sale, shop, wrap, dust, store forgotten on basement shelves, regret purchasing, evaluate for tax-deduction purposes, box up, and haul to the charity shop. I guess you could say I’m going through the Empty Nest Syndrome. But in my case, the birds ain’t the only ones to go. Posted by Katy on 07/29/07 at 06:02 PM Fallible Comments... It was tradition in our household for many years that our daughters would give the clothes they outgrew to their younger cousins in Tulsa. Nothing got me more wise to our youngest daughter Lisa's "urgent, must have it, I really really want it" needs than those occasions when we'd see my nieces and they'd got thru bags and bags of stuff, that I paid for...much of it with the pricetags still dangling from the sleeve. Lisa never wore man of the items that she urgently, absolutely had to have....and, of course, never bothered to tell us she didn't like them, or they didn't fit, or weren't cool, or whatever, when we could have returned them. That's when I made the "I know __________ is the cool store" you can expect to get one item (choose carefully) from ________ because everything else is coming from Wal-mart rule." There were addendums like...you won't hurt my feelings if you want to take it back and get something else...I will throttle your neck if it just rots in your closet until we give it to your cousins addendum. Soon, the cousin's outgrew Lisa so I had to periodically check her closet for stuff that had gone unworn/unused...that we could take back. It wasn't until my stepson Joey moved away to college did I realize many of the "cool gadgets" we bought him as a child, were played with once...and then discarded. At least I had him haul out that Goodwill. Of course, it's an inherited trait. Amy will drag stuff home with the best of intentions, and never get around to using it. We have some curtain gadget from a Home Show 12 years ago that she still won't let me throw out, although neither of us remember how it was supposed to work. I've taken to simply taking out the trash and glancing in the garage for anything I can toss in, in the dark of night just to keep enough room to walk to washer or find the lawnmower. Our kids are lucky we don't have a loft...the wastefulness, thoughtlessness, of their attitudes for many years might have resulted in something else "being tossed" over the side. It's amazing how when they all got out on their own and had to pay for their own stuff...how Wal-mart wasn't "embarassing" and the girl's didn't "absolutely have to have" the trendy make up with the 50 dollar "free gift" if you spent way too much on way too little. My prayer for grandchildren often includes the words, "God just give me enough years to be able to teach one child to say,'I WANNA GO TO THE GAP!'" at the top of his or her lungs :) Posted by Michael Main on 07/29/07 at 10:13 PM I have just been through a very similar thing - as we are moving in a few weeks. Only, since the kids are no longer here, I bundled the whole lot into bags and bins and sent them home with the kids. It's just as well as I don't know the fate of things I fell in love with for them! Posted by violet on 07/29/07 at 11:31 PM My parents have always erred on the side of necessity. Not necessary meant "You're most likely not getting it". Also, they don't believe in giving Christmas gifts because it would make us look forward to Christmas for the wrong reasons! I'm the packrat in the family. I buy all kinds of stuff and have a hard time throwing stuff out. None of the others have the same problem ;) Posted by Sunflower on 07/31/07 at 04:21 AM You just wrote this as I'm shopping for both Dylan and Baillie's upcoming 16th and 18th birthdays, respectively. If I had the money, of course, they'd both get cars and I'd be done with the whole thing, but we know that's not happening. So, I'm using the list that Dylan gave to me and following it to a T, purchasing specific CDs, DVDs and books that he wants. Same goes for Baillie. Neither will be surprised, but they will be happy with their gifts, along with an iTunes gift card thrown in for fun! :) Posted by Bridget on 08/01/07 at 12:14 AM Michael--It sounds like you and Amy had a much better handle on this stuff than Doug and I did. Ah, well. Live and learn, eh? But why is it that we learn stuff to late for it to do us any good???? Violet--Hey, lady!! Congrats on the moving--sounds like a plan. I think I am ready to downsize, but my husband isn't there yet. You are right--knowing the fate of "stuff" isn't always fun. I've nearly cried over a few things Kevin is getting rid of--but mostly I'm dismayed wondering how many times my gifts failed to please... Sunflower--One thing I've learned (too late! Ha!) is that our own parents never manage to do things "right." Then we decide to lead our lives with the opposite approach. Unfortunately, when we have kids, we eventually realize that they are spending their childhoods tallying up all the ways we're messing up! :) Bridget--Great approach! They really are pleased when you just get them the stuff on the freakin' list!!! I can't believe those two babies of yours are all grown up. Heck, I can't even believe YOU'RE all grown up!! Posted by Katy on 08/03/07 at 12:14 PM Page 1 of 1 pages Commenting is not available in this weblog entry. Next entry: Sweep Previous entry: We Were Jesus People, Then, And Young... << Back to main


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Personal blog of christian
writer & fallible mom
Katy McKenna Raymond
in Kansas City, Missouri