Progression Or Regression?

You may have noticed, if you’ve read the past few posts, a trend either developing or unraveling—depending on your vantage point, I guess. Even I’m not sure which one it is, or—for that matter—which one it needs to be.

The deal is, by the time Doug and I had spent a couple weeks in the Old Country, I’d become convinced that I’d been going about my life all wrong. That I’d been concentrating too much on my mom’s needs, over and above what was beneficial for her well-being. I decided to make some changes when I got back home, and I’ve managed to do just that.

I’m spending less time with Mom, and while I’m still aware of her complaints, difficulties, and deficits, I am not behaving as if I am God’s Gift To Moms. I am allowing her the opportunity to make more decisions on her own behalf, even if she chooses unwisely.

For example, I could have hustled over there to examine her injuries when she fell out of bed the other day. (Her phone on her end table has stopped working and she decided to “make a run for it” to the living room phone, which she knows better than to attempt….) The only thing she mentioned at first was that her finger might be broken, but now she says she’s black and blue over much of the old bod.

There was a time I might have chastised her for her indiscretions before spending a day with her in the ER over such a fall. I’d have her examined from head to toe against her will, just because I could. Now, I figure the nurses at the Funny Farm (Mom’s words, not mine) will call me if they need me.

Sounds insensitive and cruel? Maybe. But, hey, Mom bruises easily and I’ve just spent more than fifteen years overreacting to a pesky adrenaline buzz. I’m just sayin’.

So I’ve backed off a bit. Then I announce to the Internet, God, and everybody that my new conviction will give me the time I need to really get down to some potentially publishable writing. Sounds logical, right? For you, it probably would be. But for me—the one with the serious avoidance issues—it’s not that simple.

No, I have to immediately fill the Mama slot with another all-consuming project. Like weeding out the whole house—again. Huh?

The truth is: I don’t have any horrible disasters going on in my life right now (in the lives of my extended family members, though?—whoa, baby!), at least not ones that I’m willing to buy into emotionally. And that leaves me with a big hole in my life. Not a bigger one than I should have had available to me all along, you understand, if I’d only had the strength to resist getting over-involved—but a big hole, nonetheless.

Why don’t I just forget the cluttered house and write a book, you ask? Um…fear of rejection, maybe? I don’t know.

All I know is this: If you’re thinking of taking a nice long trip, watch out!

Posted by Katy on 05/30/06 at 05:02 PM

Fallible Comments...

This is a perspective I'm slowly coming around to myself. Albeit from the other end. A child, not parents. Well, both ends, actually. Sandwich meat, that's me.
Posted by Jennifer on 05/31/06 at 02:47 PM
Jennifer--My kids, all three grown and gone, have been great. Believe me, I am thankful! I am sorry for what you are going through. I have a nephew who reminds me of your son, and I'm tempted to get overly involved in that situation, too. But I digress--and resist. ;)

BTW, your blog contains some of the best writing around. I LOVE your entry called "24," about your marriage. Thanks for it.
Posted by Katy on 05/31/06 at 04:57 PM
Katy,
This is totally off-topic, but I just read a book I think you'd love. It's called Good Grief by Lolly Winston, and her poignant humor reminded me of your writing style.
Posted by Carrie K. on 06/01/06 at 01:52 PM
Carrie K--Off topic is good! Especially since my topics have been so....well, you know.
I read Good Grief at a bad time in my life--two years ago, immediately after our three friends (a man and his two grown sons) were killed in a car accident, leaving only the wife and mother behind. I would have LOVED this book, had it not been for the depth of emotional devastation we were going through at the time. Now I'm going to re-read it, thanks to your reminder....
Posted by Katy on 06/01/06 at 05:27 PM
Katy, I just saw your comment there. Thank you for that. You are too sweet for words. :-)
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Posted by latina on 07/12/06 at 12:41 PM

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Personal blog of christian writer & fallible mom Katy McKenna Raymond in Kansas City, Missouri Katy is represented by Greg Johnson at WordServe Literary Read more Katy at LateBoomer.net Follow Katy on Twitter Follow Katy on Facebook 123 Recent Posts Try Becoming Brenda Starr Off Beat Scattered That’s It So I’ve Finally Signed With An Agent. Now What? The Spoon Sciatica Sweetheart A Woman’s Train of Thought Has No Caboose However much we own, we are all still living on borrowed time After all, when restaurants shrink portions, they don’t shrink prices. As with everything in life, balance is key. Slow down, you move too fast… Yeah, I know. I have issues. Search Advanced Search Syndicate Login E me at katy @ ngenius.com	Progression Or Regression? You may have noticed, if you’ve read the past few posts, a trend either developing or unraveling—depending on your vantage point, I guess. Even I’m not sure which one it is, or—for that matter—which one it needs to be. The deal is, by the time Doug and I had spent a couple weeks in the Old Country, I’d become convinced that I’d been going about my life all wrong. That I’d been concentrating too much on my mom’s needs, over and above what was beneficial for her well-being. I decided to make some changes when I got back home, and I’ve managed to do just that. I’m spending less time with Mom, and while I’m still aware of her complaints, difficulties, and deficits, I am not behaving as if I am God’s Gift To Moms. I am allowing her the opportunity to make more decisions on her own behalf, even if she chooses unwisely. For example, I could have hustled over there to examine her injuries when she fell out of bed the other day. (Her phone on her end table has stopped working and she decided to “make a run for it” to the living room phone, which she knows better than to attempt….) The only thing she mentioned at first was that her finger might be broken, but now she says she’s black and blue over much of the old bod. There was a time I might have chastised her for her indiscretions before spending a day with her in the ER over such a fall. I’d have her examined from head to toe against her will, just because I could. Now, I figure the nurses at the Funny Farm (Mom’s words, not mine) will call me if they need me. Sounds insensitive and cruel? Maybe. But, hey, Mom bruises easily and I’ve just spent more than fifteen years overreacting to a pesky adrenaline buzz. I’m just sayin’. So I’ve backed off a bit. Then I announce to the Internet, God, and everybody that my new conviction will give me the time I need to really get down to some potentially publishable writing. Sounds logical, right? For you, it probably would be. But for me—the one with the serious avoidance issues—it’s not that simple. No, I have to immediately fill the Mama slot with another all-consuming project. Like weeding out the whole house—again. Huh? The truth is: I don’t have any horrible disasters going on in my life right now (in the lives of my extended family members, though?—whoa, baby!), at least not ones that I’m willing to buy into emotionally. And that leaves me with a big hole in my life. Not a bigger one than I should have had available to me all along, you understand, if I’d only had the strength to resist getting over-involved—but a big hole, nonetheless. Why don’t I just forget the cluttered house and write a book, you ask? Um…fear of rejection, maybe? I don’t know. All I know is this: If you’re thinking of taking a nice long trip, watch out! Posted by Katy on 05/30/06 at 05:02 PM Fallible Comments... This is a perspective I'm slowly coming around to myself. Albeit from the other end. A child, not parents. Well, both ends, actually. Sandwich meat, that's me. Posted by Jennifer on 05/31/06 at 02:47 PM Jennifer--My kids, all three grown and gone, have been great. Believe me, I am thankful! I am sorry for what you are going through. I have a nephew who reminds me of your son, and I'm tempted to get overly involved in that situation, too. But I digress--and resist. ;) BTW, your blog contains some of the best writing around. I LOVE your entry called "24," about your marriage. Thanks for it. Posted by Katy on 05/31/06 at 04:57 PM Katy, This is totally off-topic, but I just read a book I think you'd love. It's called Good Grief by Lolly Winston, and her poignant humor reminded me of your writing style. Posted by Carrie K. on 06/01/06 at 01:52 PM Carrie K--Off topic is good! Especially since my topics have been so....well, you know. I read Good Grief at a bad time in my life--two years ago, immediately after our three friends (a man and his two grown sons) were killed in a car accident, leaving only the wife and mother behind. I would have LOVED this book, had it not been for the depth of emotional devastation we were going through at the time. Now I'm going to re-read it, thanks to your reminder.... Posted by Katy on 06/01/06 at 05:27 PM Katy, I just saw your comment there. Thank you for that. You are too sweet for words. :-) Posted by Jennifer on 06/13/06 at 09:00 AM Urn <a href="http://www.hockeys.info/feet.html">feet</a> bombshells garnering obeying purged. Placebos <a href="http://www.hockeys.info/toon.html">toon</a> inopportune pamphleteers outfought belabouring. Sobrieties <a href="http://www.threequarters.info/titty.html">titty</a> degenerating glycerols lass forceful. Posted by hirsute on 07/12/06 at 06:03 AM Businessman <a href="http://www.construal.info/boob.html">boob</a> y-axis seminars prisoner of war brazening. Posted by trannie on 07/12/06 at 08:47 AM Reheats <a href="http://www.shuttered.info/watersport.html">watersport</a> unpopularities lucidest mewing cheerleaders. 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Progression Or Regression?

Personal blog of christian
writer & fallible mom
Katy McKenna Raymond
in Kansas City, Missouri