Personal blog of christian
writer & fallible mom
Katy McKenna Raymond
in Kansas City, Missouri
Katy is represented by
Greg Johnson at
WordServe Literary
Read more Katy at
LateBoomer.net
Recent Posts
- Try
- Becoming Brenda Starr
- Off Beat
- Scattered
- That’s It
- So I’ve Finally Signed With An Agent. Now What?
- The Spoon
- Sciatica
- Sweetheart
- A Woman’s Train of Thought Has No Caboose
- However much we own, we are all still living on borrowed time
- After all, when restaurants shrink portions, they don’t shrink prices.
- As with everything in life, balance is key.
- Slow down, you move too fast…
- Yeah, I know. I have issues.
Syndicate
E me at katy @ ngenius.com
Persuasion
My mom’s been back in her assisted living apartment (after three months in a nursing home) for two months already. She’s only fallen once in that time, and now her re-injured broken arm is back to being just plain old completely broken.
That’s progress, huh?
The difficulty with Mom arises when she starts to forget the pain and anguish and disability involved in one of her notorious falls. The longer she goes without falling, the more she starts to believe she’s “better,” she’s “over it,” she’s “okay.”
And when she thinks she’s OK, she stops using her walker.
The past two times I’ve arrived unannounced, Mom was sitting or standing in a spot in her apartment at least a room away from where she left her walker.
Yesterday, she was sitting on the side of her bed with her pants down around her knees. I knew that meant she’d just come out of the bathroom and couldn’t get her pants pulled up. Her walker was in the far reaches of the living room.
Did she think I couldn’t do the math?
“Your pants aren’t pulled up,” I said. She looked at me like I’m the World Champion In Stating The Obvious.
“I didn’t know you were coming.”
“How did you get to your bed?”
“I walked, silly.”
“Where were you coming from?”
“I don’t know.”
“Where is your walker?”
“I don’t know.”
“Why are you walking without your walker, Mom? You do NOT want to land on the floor again—”
“Would you listen to those old biddies out in the hallway? They do this every morning…”
“Mom, don’t change the subject. Every time you break a bone, I lose six months of my life—”
I know, I know. It sounds selfish. And I guess it is. But Mom needs to realize that her decisions affect others, not the least of whom is yours truly.
“Listen to them! They’re singing! Those are the drinkers.”
Mom succeeded in grabbing my interest. Her topics are WAY more fascinating than mine. I stopped my lecture long enough to listen to the cheer outside her door.
“It’s a little early for them to be drinking, isn’t it?” I asked.
“Are you kidding? They start right after breakfast and finish at bedtime. They’re like this all day—loud, and laughing, and carrying on. My friend Ann and I won’t have anything to do with them.”
“Well, they certainly sound like they’re a lively bunch, although I really doubt they’re heavy drinkers…”
“Katy, no one acts like that unless they’re drinking. You know that.”
“Mom, about your walker. You need to use it EVERY time you’re walking. Even in your own apartment. The doctor said—”
“They do sound happy, though, don’t they?”
“Yeah, Mom, they do.” I finally realized that our conversation about assistive devices was not contributing one bit to my mother’s happiness. “You know what? I think you should be friends with them. They’re having fun. Only when you go dancing and singing through the halls, take your walker, OK?”
“OK. I’ll start drinking. If that’s what it takes to be happy.”
You see? THIS is why I am a highly paid healthcare professional.
- I was wondering how your Mom was doing. Now I know. How frustrating. My heart goes out to you.
Was your Mom always so... I can't think of the exact word... feisty, contrary, y'know? I can't imagine my mother not using her walker if she needed one. I'd be furious if I were in your shoes.
What a devoted daughter you are!Posted by FindingJoy on 01/07/06 at 04:20 PM - Ohhhh, this sounds like a conversation with my young children!!! I just wanna drill a hole into their heads, insert a knowledge tube, and start flowing stuff in! But our conversation goes a little more like this:
"I'm gonna take my new baby high chair to Daddy's house."
"I don't think so, . . ."
"Where is it? Oh, here is is! I've got it, Mom."
"You can't take that to Daddy's. H ..."
"I'll just put it by the front door."
"You might be able to take the little one in the game room. It's smaller and will take up less spa..."
"I can pick it up."
"Okay, sweet, STOP! Look at me! I'm sorry, but you can't take your baby high chair to Daddy's without asking him first. His apartment isn't that big. You have to make sure he is willing to have it there."
Light bulb flashes! Lights come on! Somehow she's distracted . . . then Daddy comes . . . and they're excited to see him and run to get into his car, chatting all the way, forgetting the high chair :) . . . well, till she thinks of the baby cradle next time!
Hang in there, Katy . . . you're doing a GREAT job!!! And, hey, it certainly isn't without humor!!!!!Posted by Ame on 01/08/06 at 01:50 AM - FindingJoy--I think my mom has changed somewhat. (Maybe my sister Bridget will weigh in here...) She's still pretty angry and depressed about the loss of independence that has beset her these last four years. I think not using her walker might be her way of saying, "I'm still in charge." But I could be wrong. Maybe she's honestly forgetting.
Ame--Your story is great! Dealing with an aging parent can be VERY much like dealing with a child. (Anywhere from toddler to teenager...) There's high emotion, immaturity, poor decision making skills, inattention to consequences of behaviors, stubbornness, non-compliance, outbursts of frustration--and those are just MY behaviors! :)Posted by Katy on 01/08/06 at 01:41 PM - Oh, Katy . . . you're just TOO honest for me!!! HAHAHAHAHA
And, on a serious note, I've found that my girls, going thru the divorce, feel so out-of-control all the time that they search for something they can have control over . . . what/when they eat, wearing a bathing suit outside in the winter, etc. So, with as much margin as possible - and is SAFE - I allow them freedom to have control over something. I wonder if giving your mom control in another area might lessen her need to demand it with the walker?Posted by Ame on 01/08/06 at 03:26 PM
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