(No Title)

"Nobody really has a five-year plan," said my 23-year-old friend, Christian, who ought to know. I must admit I breathed a sigh of relief. "They might tell you they do, and they might tell you the next step they intend to take, and how it'll move them closer to their goals, but don't believe them. They don't know what's going to happen next any more than you do." I am what the local junior college's adult re-entry program used to call a "displaced homemaker." How's that for a label? A "displaced homemaker" is a woman who has just finished giving the youngest years of her life to the noble occupation of raising her own children. Unfortunately, the title of displaced homemaker has such a chronic sound to it, kind of like a dislocated hip or a disturbing hernia, that it doesn't seem to hold out much hope for a cure. And, until now, with the children almost grown and mostly gone, I've never felt displaced. Or in need of a cure. Now, though, there are decisions to make, directions to take. They are simple decisions, really, the kind that a girl half my age would make without a lot of soul-searching-unless she, too, becomes waylaid by a couple decades worth of displaced homemaking. So I'm trying to recall how I used to take advantage of the freedom of youth to plot my course unafraid, and see if maybe the same tactics might apply to the freedom of middle-age. Is every new direction a firm decision, leading almost effortlessly nearer to the center of God's purpose? Or am I, by choosing one path, deciding to slam the gate on many others? Any one of which might be the best one, after all? Try as I might, I just can't remember how this part goes. They say wisdom comes with age, but don't believe them. Unless the age is 23.

Posted by Katy on 02/16/02 at 12:32 PM

Fallible Comments...

hey katy - it wasn't until somewhat recently (the past year or so) that i realized what a fabulous thing my mom did for us while we were growing up. i'm sure i don't fully "get" it, and probably won't until i have kids of my own someday. i often wondered why she just didn't find a job...so, i asked her one day, "mom do you regret staying at home instead of working outside the home?" her response, "sometimes..well, a little..but i'd have far more regrets if i had left you in daycare or with a sitter." i, too, was "supervised"..which was probably a good thing, you know? :)
Posted by madi on 12/31/69 at 12:00 PM
Madi--Wow. If you understand the value of what your mother did before you have kids of your own, I'm impressed. I didn't get it at all until I had children. Now I really appreciate what my parents sacrificed to give us a latchkeyless life. Come to think of it, I didn't have a key to my parents' house until after I moved out. There wasn't a need. No matter what time of the day or night I came home, at least one of them let me in the door! We were what you might call "supervised." What a concept!
Posted by Katy on 12/31/69 at 12:00 PM
so, i don't have the experience of being a mother, yet, but i can tell you that my mom, who stayed at home to raise my sister and i, continuously sacrificed more than i was able to understand when i was a kid. i wondered, "why didn't she work..like all the other mothers?" now, though, as an adult, i realize how blessed i've been. i think being a stay-at-home mom is the most selfless things a woman can do. and something to be very proud of.
Posted by madi on 12/31/69 at 12:00 PM
Gin--Oh, how I remember and understand! I've been a stay-at-home mom since 1979. We even home-schooled for a few years, which I noticed you mention on your site. Anyone who says it's easy is either lying or not doing it right! It does SO feel like you're not your own person. However, as time goes by, you begin to see yourself in the little ones you are raising--you haven't disappeared, after all, you're being invested in them. You'll have time for you again, I promise. It's a process--all in all, a wonderful one.
Posted by Katy on 12/31/69 at 12:00 PM
Well, bless you, I hope so. Even now I feel the loss of them against how they are now (I mean that now my little boy will run to me when a bully is mean, but someday he won't), so I know that when they're grown I will feel a terrible loss--but sometimes I simply want to be only my own person, no one else's.
Posted by gin on 12/31/69 at 12:00 PM
Gin--I hope you know that I wouldn't describe you as "waylaid"--the season when a mother raises her children is sacred. But it isn't easy. I am bookmarking your site--wow! Your excellent writing will bring you more freedom (to search your soul) than many young mothers have. Your description of your "old" mother is wonderful! Thanks.
Posted by Katy on 12/31/69 at 12:00 PM
"the kind that a girl half my age would make without a lot of soul-searching?unless she, too, becomes waylaid by a couple decades worth of displaced homemaking." As a girl probably half your age (or less--I'm 24), with two kids . . . I wish I _had_ the freedom to search my soul.<br><br>

-----
Posted by gin on 12/31/69 at 12:00 PM
Wow! I too have been out of school since 1979. Since I have taken care of my children and formed an extra scpecial bond with them, the empty nest syndrome feels emptier. I am divorced, living alone and trying to find my place in the world. I want to work, but the job market is the least kind to me. For now, I am volunteering to get out, make connections and work on filling my resume with something. Any suggestions out there?
Posted by Ramona on 03/12/09 at 02:35 PM

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Personal blog of christian writer & fallible mom Katy McKenna Raymond in Kansas City, Missouri Katy is represented by Greg Johnson at WordServe Literary Read more Katy at LateBoomer.net Follow Katy on Twitter Follow Katy on Facebook 123 Recent Posts Try Becoming Brenda Starr Off Beat Scattered That’s It So I’ve Finally Signed With An Agent. Now What? The Spoon Sciatica Sweetheart A Woman’s Train of Thought Has No Caboose However much we own, we are all still living on borrowed time After all, when restaurants shrink portions, they don’t shrink prices. As with everything in life, balance is key. Slow down, you move too fast… Yeah, I know. I have issues. Search Advanced Search Syndicate Login E me at katy @ ngenius.com	(No Title) "Nobody really has a five-year plan," said my 23-year-old friend, Christian, who ought to know. I must admit I breathed a sigh of relief. "They might tell you they do, and they might tell you the next step they intend to take, and how it'll move them closer to their goals, but don't believe them. They don't know what's going to happen next any more than you do." I am what the local junior college's adult re-entry program used to call a "displaced homemaker." How's that for a label? A "displaced homemaker" is a woman who has just finished giving the youngest years of her life to the noble occupation of raising her own children. Unfortunately, the title of displaced homemaker has such a chronic sound to it, kind of like a dislocated hip or a disturbing hernia, that it doesn't seem to hold out much hope for a cure. And, until now, with the children almost grown and mostly gone, I've never felt displaced. Or in need of a cure. Now, though, there are decisions to make, directions to take. They are simple decisions, really, the kind that a girl half my age would make without a lot of soul-searching-unless she, too, becomes waylaid by a couple decades worth of displaced homemaking. So I'm trying to recall how I used to take advantage of the freedom of youth to plot my course unafraid, and see if maybe the same tactics might apply to the freedom of middle-age. Is every new direction a firm decision, leading almost effortlessly nearer to the center of God's purpose? Or am I, by choosing one path, deciding to slam the gate on many others? Any one of which might be the best one, after all? Try as I might, I just can't remember how this part goes. They say wisdom comes with age, but don't believe them. Unless the age is 23. Posted by Katy on 02/16/02 at 12:32 PM Fallible Comments... hey katy - it wasn't until somewhat recently (the past year or so) that i realized what a fabulous thing my mom did for us while we were growing up. i'm sure i don't fully "get" it, and probably won't until i have kids of my own someday. i often wondered why she just didn't find a job...so, i asked her one day, "mom do you regret staying at home instead of working outside the home?" her response, "sometimes..well, a little..but i'd have far more regrets if i had left you in daycare or with a sitter." i, too, was "supervised"..which was probably a good thing, you know? :) Posted by madi on 12/31/69 at 12:00 PM Madi--Wow. If you understand the value of what your mother did before you have kids of your own, I'm impressed. I didn't get it at all until I had children. Now I really appreciate what my parents sacrificed to give us a latchkeyless life. Come to think of it, I didn't have a key to my parents' house until after I moved out. There wasn't a need. No matter what time of the day or night I came home, at least one of them let me in the door! We were what you might call "supervised." What a concept! Posted by Katy on 12/31/69 at 12:00 PM so, i don't have the experience of being a mother, yet, but i can tell you that my mom, who stayed at home to raise my sister and i, continuously sacrificed more than i was able to understand when i was a kid. i wondered, "why didn't she work..like all the other mothers?" now, though, as an adult, i realize how blessed i've been. i think being a stay-at-home mom is the most selfless things a woman can do. and something to be very proud of. Posted by madi on 12/31/69 at 12:00 PM Gin--Oh, how I remember and understand! I've been a stay-at-home mom since 1979. We even home-schooled for a few years, which I noticed you mention on your site. Anyone who says it's easy is either lying or not doing it right! It does SO feel like you're not your own person. However, as time goes by, you begin to see yourself in the little ones you are raising--you haven't disappeared, after all, you're being invested in them. You'll have time for you again, I promise. It's a process--all in all, a wonderful one. Posted by Katy on 12/31/69 at 12:00 PM Well, bless you, I hope so. Even now I feel the loss of them against how they are now (I mean that now my little boy will run to me when a bully is mean, but someday he won't), so I know that when they're grown I will feel a terrible loss--but sometimes I simply want to be only my own person, no one else's. Posted by gin on 12/31/69 at 12:00 PM Gin--I hope you know that I wouldn't describe you as "waylaid"--the season when a mother raises her children is sacred. But it isn't easy. I am bookmarking your site--wow! Your excellent writing will bring you more freedom (to search your soul) than many young mothers have. Your description of your "old" mother is wonderful! Thanks. Posted by Katy on 12/31/69 at 12:00 PM "the kind that a girl half my age would make without a lot of soul-searching?unless she, too, becomes waylaid by a couple decades worth of displaced homemaking." As a girl probably half your age (or less--I'm 24), with two kids . . . I wish I _had_ the freedom to search my soul.<br><br> ----- Posted by gin on 12/31/69 at 12:00 PM Wow! I too have been out of school since 1979. Since I have taken care of my children and formed an extra scpecial bond with them, the empty nest syndrome feels emptier. I am divorced, living alone and trying to find my place in the world. I want to work, but the job market is the least kind to me. For now, I am volunteering to get out, make connections and work on filling my resume with something. Any suggestions out there? Posted by Ramona on 03/12/09 at 02:35 PM Page 1 of 1 pages Commenting is not available in this weblog entry. Next entry: (No Title) Previous entry: (No Title) << Back to main


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Personal blog of christianwriter & fallible momKaty McKenna Raymondin Kansas City, Missouri

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Personal blog of christian
writer & fallible mom
Katy McKenna Raymond
in Kansas City, Missouri