Move Over

How many people does a school bus hold?

I’m not sure, but there were more passengers in this one than is legal in most states, I knew that much. The air in the closed up bus smelled fetid, and the windows—which several strong people had attempted to wedge open—wouldn’t budge.

Still, it wasn’t too impossible to imagine a tropical breeze if I closed my eyes and let the speed with which we sailed along the highway deceive me. I did just that for a few precious minutes, but when I came to my senses the awful truth hit me with a fresh wave of claustrophobia.

The bus driver was my mom.

I ran from the middle of the bus to the front and faced my mother. She didn’t turn to look at me, but kept the pedal to the metal.

“Mom! What are you doing? You haven’t driven a car for four years, and if I remember right, you weren’t too good at it even then…”

I shot a glance out the front window. We were in the passing lane on the freeway, and Mom wasn’t dawdling, either. She was pushing 75, I’d say, but the needle on the speedometer was spinning in a frantic circle, first clockwise and then counter, like a life out of both time and control.

No one else seemed alarmed. There were no screams from the frightened bus riders, no reason to think they’d figured out that Mom didn’t exactly have a license to drive this thing.

“Mom, you’ve got to let me drive. It’s our only hope.”

It was then I realized an even more sobering truth. Her body was stiff, her hands gripped the steering wheel with a catatonic ferocity, and her legs extended straight out in front of her, jerking from pedal to pedal with abandon.

“No,” she said. “I’m driving this thing my way.”

She couldn’t move herself from the seat and wouldn’t, anyway. All I could do was try to gain control of the pedals, if only for long enough to steer the bus onto the left shoulder.

I dropped to my knees and then all fours, inching forward until my entire body was wedged in the small space around her legs. Somehow I removed her feet from the pedals and my right hand took over. Then, with a strength I did not know I could summon, I reached up and grabbed the wheel.

Without seeing anything at all but the floor of the bus, I pulled the wheel gently to the left, all the while slowing the bus with my other hand until it finally came to a complete stop.

“Hey, what’s going on?” someone yelled from the back. “We were making good time. What’s the hold up?”

I stood to my feet, shaking uncontrollably. “My mother is not a bus driver. And she’s not well. Can anyone here drive this thing?”

Silence, and then another cranky passenger. “What’s wrong with you? Why don’t you drive the bus? You seem pretty good at it to me.”

I jolted awake at that, shaking uncontrollably. All the way to the hospital to be with my mother, I cried out to God.

“I can’t drive this bus! Please don’t make me drive this bus!”

Until finally, I heard an answer. “I never asked you to drive it, did I? Only to pull it off the road and park it there. And believe me, you couldn’t have done even that without help.”

“But, God, all these people. And my mother…I’ve got to get her where she’s going…”

He didn’t say anything else, but somehow in the middle of my cries, He let me know the truth.

God is driving this bus.

Posted by Katy on 02/27/06 at 06:46 AM

Fallible Comments...

That is SO incredibly awesome - on so many levels. I love how God teaches us; he's taught me through dreams, too. Wow . . . you will never forget this invaluable truth from your Almighty, Sovereign God :)
Posted by Ame on 02/27/06 at 08:27 AM
Amen!
Posted by lisa on 02/27/06 at 08:54 AM
Mmmm. Yes. Well said, Katy.
Posted by Jeanne Damoff on 02/27/06 at 09:16 AM
Was this really a dream you had? You are such a wonderful writer. I am almost always sucked right in when I read your blog, and it's like I can't read fast enough... I just can't wait to find out what is going to happen next. I feel like that even with your not-so-full-of-suspense type stories. Thanks! (o:
Posted by Pattie on 02/27/06 at 01:35 PM
Thanks for sharing this Katy. I needed this one more than you know.
Posted by Michael O'Connor on 02/27/06 at 04:49 PM
Yes, it's a true dream, from night before last. Mom is not eating, and not noticing good looking men. Believe me, these are not encouraging signs. Two docs today took me aside to say how much she's declined cognitively since her August hospitalization. Both indicated that a nursing home is the appropriate next step. I've always loved the Scripture where Jesus says to His disciples, "I have many more things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now." That's how I feel. Don't tell me everything, Lord! Just enough light so I can see the next step on the path.

Mom had a 24-hour crying jag also. She calmed down this evening, but from the sounds of it, she's gearing up again for the night. My sisters are there now, and I wish them God's grace.
Posted by Katy on 02/27/06 at 07:52 PM
Oh, Katy. I'm so sorry. How poignant the scripture. How good of God to show you so vividly how in control He is . . . just when you really needed to see it . . . before today.
Posted by Ame on 02/27/06 at 08:00 PM
It's so awesome to get the assurence from God and know that He is in control of the situation! The best thing about that is that God keeps His promises!

I will add you and your mom to my prayer list. Take care okay?
Posted by Diane on 02/28/06 at 11:28 AM
Katy-- I'm so sorry about everything you are going through right now. I hope and pray that the Lord will give you the strength you need.

PS "M" is my husband. (laughing)
Posted by Pattie on 02/28/06 at 12:43 PM
My heart goes out to you. I remember caring for my father in his last days at home. I find the serenity prayer a salvation when I am tired and feeling out of control.
Posted by Maria on 02/28/06 at 04:35 PM

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Personal blog of christian writer & fallible mom Katy McKenna Raymond in Kansas City, Missouri Katy is represented by Greg Johnson at WordServe Literary Read more Katy at LateBoomer.net Follow Katy on Twitter Follow Katy on Facebook 123 Recent Posts Try Becoming Brenda Starr Off Beat Scattered That’s It So I’ve Finally Signed With An Agent. Now What? The Spoon Sciatica Sweetheart A Woman’s Train of Thought Has No Caboose However much we own, we are all still living on borrowed time After all, when restaurants shrink portions, they don’t shrink prices. As with everything in life, balance is key. Slow down, you move too fast… Yeah, I know. I have issues. Search Advanced Search Syndicate Login E me at katy @ ngenius.com	Move Over How many people does a school bus hold? I’m not sure, but there were more passengers in this one than is legal in most states, I knew that much. The air in the closed up bus smelled fetid, and the windows—which several strong people had attempted to wedge open—wouldn’t budge. Still, it wasn’t too impossible to imagine a tropical breeze if I closed my eyes and let the speed with which we sailed along the highway deceive me. I did just that for a few precious minutes, but when I came to my senses the awful truth hit me with a fresh wave of claustrophobia. The bus driver was my mom. I ran from the middle of the bus to the front and faced my mother. She didn’t turn to look at me, but kept the pedal to the metal. “Mom! What are you doing? You haven’t driven a car for four years, and if I remember right, you weren’t too good at it even then…” I shot a glance out the front window. We were in the passing lane on the freeway, and Mom wasn’t dawdling, either. She was pushing 75, I’d say, but the needle on the speedometer was spinning in a frantic circle, first clockwise and then counter, like a life out of both time and control. No one else seemed alarmed. There were no screams from the frightened bus riders, no reason to think they’d figured out that Mom didn’t exactly have a license to drive this thing. “Mom, you’ve got to let me drive. It’s our only hope.” It was then I realized an even more sobering truth. Her body was stiff, her hands gripped the steering wheel with a catatonic ferocity, and her legs extended straight out in front of her, jerking from pedal to pedal with abandon. “No,” she said. “I’m driving this thing my way.” She couldn’t move herself from the seat and wouldn’t, anyway. All I could do was try to gain control of the pedals, if only for long enough to steer the bus onto the left shoulder. I dropped to my knees and then all fours, inching forward until my entire body was wedged in the small space around her legs. Somehow I removed her feet from the pedals and my right hand took over. Then, with a strength I did not know I could summon, I reached up and grabbed the wheel. Without seeing anything at all but the floor of the bus, I pulled the wheel gently to the left, all the while slowing the bus with my other hand until it finally came to a complete stop. “Hey, what’s going on?” someone yelled from the back. “We were making good time. What’s the hold up?” I stood to my feet, shaking uncontrollably. “My mother is not a bus driver. And she’s not well. Can anyone here drive this thing?” Silence, and then another cranky passenger. “What’s wrong with you? Why don’t you drive the bus? You seem pretty good at it to me.” I jolted awake at that, shaking uncontrollably. All the way to the hospital to be with my mother, I cried out to God. “I can’t drive this bus! Please don’t make me drive this bus!” Until finally, I heard an answer. “I never asked you to drive it, did I? Only to pull it off the road and park it there. And believe me, you couldn’t have done even that without help.” “But, God, all these people. And my mother…I’ve got to get her where she’s going…” He didn’t say anything else, but somehow in the middle of my cries, He let me know the truth. God is driving this bus. Posted by Katy on 02/27/06 at 06:46 AM Fallible Comments... That is SO incredibly awesome - on so many levels. I love how God teaches us; he's taught me through dreams, too. Wow . . . you will never forget this invaluable truth from your Almighty, Sovereign God :) Posted by Ame on 02/27/06 at 08:27 AM Amen! Posted by lisa on 02/27/06 at 08:54 AM Mmmm. Yes. Well said, Katy. Posted by Jeanne Damoff on 02/27/06 at 09:16 AM Was this really a dream you had? You are such a wonderful writer. I am almost always sucked right in when I read your blog, and it's like I can't read fast enough... I just can't wait to find out what is going to happen next. I feel like that even with your not-so-full-of-suspense type stories. Thanks! (o: Posted by Pattie on 02/27/06 at 01:35 PM Thanks for sharing this Katy. I needed this one more than you know. Posted by Michael O'Connor on 02/27/06 at 04:49 PM Yes, it's a true dream, from night before last. Mom is not eating, and not noticing good looking men. Believe me, these are not encouraging signs. Two docs today took me aside to say how much she's declined cognitively since her August hospitalization. Both indicated that a nursing home is the appropriate next step. I've always loved the Scripture where Jesus says to His disciples, "I have many more things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now." That's how I feel. Don't tell me everything, Lord! Just enough light so I can see the next step on the path. Mom had a 24-hour crying jag also. She calmed down this evening, but from the sounds of it, she's gearing up again for the night. My sisters are there now, and I wish them God's grace. Posted by Katy on 02/27/06 at 07:52 PM Oh, Katy. I'm so sorry. How poignant the scripture. How good of God to show you so vividly how in control He is . . . just when you really needed to see it . . . before today. Posted by Ame on 02/27/06 at 08:00 PM It's so awesome to get the assurence from God and know that He is in control of the situation! The best thing about that is that God keeps His promises! I will add you and your mom to my prayer list. Take care okay? Posted by Diane on 02/28/06 at 11:28 AM Katy-- I'm so sorry about everything you are going through right now. I hope and pray that the Lord will give you the strength you need. PS "M" is my husband. (laughing) Posted by Pattie on 02/28/06 at 12:43 PM My heart goes out to you. I remember caring for my father in his last days at home. I find the serenity prayer a salvation when I am tired and feeling out of control. Posted by Maria on 02/28/06 at 04:35 PM Page 1 of 1 pages Commenting is not available in this weblog entry. 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Personal blog of christianwriter & fallible momKaty McKenna Raymondin Kansas City, Missouri

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Move Over

Personal blog of christian
writer & fallible mom
Katy McKenna Raymond
in Kansas City, Missouri