Lost In Lee’s Summit

I know, I know. Mother's Day is all about the folks. It's all about staying in bed too long even though you've got a terrible crick in your back, because you know they really believe that you want nothing more in the world than to be served breakfast there.

It's about being surrounded by kids in said bed, each of whom lays claim to just one bite of your French toast with powdered sugar on top or your chocolate-chip bagel or your waffle with blueberry syrup. It's about--after all their claims have been appropriated--changing your sheets.

I've always tended toward funk on Mother's Day, which is why on Friday I felt so lost.

It's not what you're thinking. I didn't call into question the entire history of my mothering career. I didn't imagine myself the worst mother in the universe and wallow in post-menopausal angst.

Instead, I got lost on purpose in Lee's Summit, Missouri, and had the time of my life.

Mothers, you see, if they're good at all at what they've signed on for, try desperately not to get lost. They find and keep their bearings early in life because, well, it's their job. Children depend upon us to carry maps in our minds, to know directions by heart, not because they want to follow our examples as much as they want to believe we are examples.

Friday, I threw caution to the wind. I drove over to a neighboring town, a town about which I know nothing except how to get to my brother's house, the Hobby Lobby, and the Starbuck's. A girl can be happy for a very long time with just that little bit of knowledge, but something told me I needed more--that I desperately needed to get lost.

I started with a huge neighborhood garage sale, a neighborhood in which I got so turned around that I'm still spinning in circles. I forced myself NOT to think, "OK, when I turn right, I'll be going west, which means I need to turn left to get back to the main road..." I forced myself not to think ANYTHING, but just to drive, shop, and enjoy the day.

When I'd finally located the way out of the neighborhood, I decided to try to find a bead shop my sister-in-law told me about. Imagine my shock when I drove straight to it! After that, I deliberately turned the wrong way out of the parking lot, just to see what would happen.

Amazingly, I didn't die. I looked in the rear view mirror occasionally to see if anyone followed me too closely, and felt shocked a couple of times to see no one following me at all. You mean I could get lost and not even have to worry about setting a bad example for all those who came behind? For once, getting crazily lost seemed worth the risk.

I don't turn the wrong way often, people. In fact, I'd rather not turn at all than accidentally turn the wrong way. There are little people looking up to me, after all, clinging to my skirt, trusting me to lead them where no one else can.

What? They've all grown and gone, you say? I'll tell you what: To recover from a lifetime of conscientious mothering is going to take some serious getting lost.

If getting lost is right on the way to being found, I may start leaving my map at home more often.

Posted by Katy on 05/09/05 at 01:24 PM

Fallible Comments...

wow...sounds fun Katy. i get lost all the time on the road..and i panick and make so many U turns i get dizzy. in life though, i am very cautious because i feel i've been lost for too long before. i try to do everything "right" cuz i don't think i can afford being lost again. but it's very tiring always trying to be "right". reading your entry i could feel the sense of enjoying the moment & things i come across while not knowing where im going... maybe i'll try that sometime :)
-----
Posted by jane on 05/09/05 at 11:11 PM
I have a friend who laughs and says, "You're not lost until you're out of gas." he's a guy, of course. hehe.
Posted by Paula on 05/10/05 at 07:20 AM
I really hate going somewhere unless I have directions. I cannot find my way out of a paper bag. I have to have directions written out for me. Saw this contest you would love. You can enter every day. Win a trip to Ireland. http://www.senseocitysensations.com/index.html

Mothers Day always depresses me because my children do not live here.
Posted by Candace Pfau on 05/10/05 at 08:23 PM
Jane--I so share your feelings. Being right is exhausting. I would give it up entirely if I weren't so darned good at it. :) No, truly, I'm trying to loosen up a bit in my old age. Have a little fun, maybe. Rekindle the joy...Sounds good, huh?

Paula--One thing I will NEVER do is tempt the gas gauge! Running out of gas has never been on my to-do list. The idea of it freaks me out totally. If the tanks not half-full, I ain't driving, baby...

Candace--I, too, must have directions. And while I refer to maps in my entry, that was merely a literary reference. I CANNOT read maps. Which is so dumb, I can't believe it's true about myself, but it is. My hubby is Mr. Map and Atlas of the Universe, and he can keep the title. I can't compete!
Posted by Katy Raymond on 05/11/05 at 06:43 PM
your post brings to mind something I read yesterday in Madeleine L'Engle's "A Circle of Quiet" in describing the place she goes for some solitude (involving the great outdoors, often a steady drizzle of rain, and two balls of twine's worth of a guide line)..."it's amazing what passing the half-century mark does to free one to be eccentric". Turning 33 this year, I'm still clinging to being defined as 'eclectic' (which, I've been told, is an actual interior decorating style), but i imagine i will one day fit rather snugly into Ms. L'Engle's professed category. It rather sounds like fun...
Posted by lisa on 05/17/05 at 10:48 AM

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Personal blog of christian writer & fallible mom Katy McKenna Raymond in Kansas City, Missouri Katy is represented by Greg Johnson at WordServe Literary Read more Katy at LateBoomer.net Follow Katy on Twitter Follow Katy on Facebook 123 Recent Posts Try Becoming Brenda Starr Off Beat Scattered That’s It So I’ve Finally Signed With An Agent. Now What? The Spoon Sciatica Sweetheart A Woman’s Train of Thought Has No Caboose However much we own, we are all still living on borrowed time After all, when restaurants shrink portions, they don’t shrink prices. As with everything in life, balance is key. Slow down, you move too fast… Yeah, I know. I have issues. Search Advanced Search Syndicate Login E me at katy @ ngenius.com	Lost In Lee’s Summit I know, I know. Mother's Day is all about the folks. It's all about staying in bed too long even though you've got a terrible crick in your back, because you know they really believe that you want nothing more in the world than to be served breakfast there. It's about being surrounded by kids in said bed, each of whom lays claim to just one bite of your French toast with powdered sugar on top or your chocolate-chip bagel or your waffle with blueberry syrup. It's about--after all their claims have been appropriated--changing your sheets. I've always tended toward funk on Mother's Day, which is why on Friday I felt so lost. It's not what you're thinking. I didn't call into question the entire history of my mothering career. I didn't imagine myself the worst mother in the universe and wallow in post-menopausal angst. Instead, I got lost on purpose in Lee's Summit, Missouri, and had the time of my life. Mothers, you see, if they're good at all at what they've signed on for, try desperately not to get lost. They find and keep their bearings early in life because, well, it's their job. Children depend upon us to carry maps in our minds, to know directions by heart, not because they want to follow our examples as much as they want to believe we are examples. Friday, I threw caution to the wind. I drove over to a neighboring town, a town about which I know nothing except how to get to my brother's house, the Hobby Lobby, and the Starbuck's. A girl can be happy for a very long time with just that little bit of knowledge, but something told me I needed more--that I desperately needed to get lost. I started with a huge neighborhood garage sale, a neighborhood in which I got so turned around that I'm still spinning in circles. I forced myself NOT to think, "OK, when I turn right, I'll be going west, which means I need to turn left to get back to the main road..." I forced myself not to think ANYTHING, but just to drive, shop, and enjoy the day. When I'd finally located the way out of the neighborhood, I decided to try to find a bead shop my sister-in-law told me about. Imagine my shock when I drove straight to it! After that, I deliberately turned the wrong way out of the parking lot, just to see what would happen. Amazingly, I didn't die. I looked in the rear view mirror occasionally to see if anyone followed me too closely, and felt shocked a couple of times to see no one following me at all. You mean I could get lost and not even have to worry about setting a bad example for all those who came behind? For once, getting crazily lost seemed worth the risk. I don't turn the wrong way often, people. In fact, I'd rather not turn at all than accidentally turn the wrong way. There are little people looking up to me, after all, clinging to my skirt, trusting me to lead them where no one else can. What? They've all grown and gone, you say? I'll tell you what: To recover from a lifetime of conscientious mothering is going to take some serious getting lost. If getting lost is right on the way to being found, I may start leaving my map at home more often. Posted by Katy on 05/09/05 at 01:24 PM Fallible Comments... wow...sounds fun Katy. i get lost all the time on the road..and i panick and make so many U turns i get dizzy. in life though, i am very cautious because i feel i've been lost for too long before. i try to do everything "right" cuz i don't think i can afford being lost again. but it's very tiring always trying to be "right". reading your entry i could feel the sense of enjoying the moment & things i come across while not knowing where im going... maybe i'll try that sometime :) ----- Posted by jane on 05/09/05 at 11:11 PM I have a friend who laughs and says, "You're not lost until you're out of gas." he's a guy, of course. hehe. Posted by Paula on 05/10/05 at 07:20 AM I really hate going somewhere unless I have directions. I cannot find my way out of a paper bag. I have to have directions written out for me. Saw this contest you would love. You can enter every day. Win a trip to Ireland. http://www.senseocitysensations.com/index.html Mothers Day always depresses me because my children do not live here. Posted by Candace Pfau on 05/10/05 at 08:23 PM Jane--I so share your feelings. Being right is exhausting. I would give it up entirely if I weren't so darned good at it. :) No, truly, I'm trying to loosen up a bit in my old age. Have a little fun, maybe. Rekindle the joy...Sounds good, huh? Paula--One thing I will NEVER do is tempt the gas gauge! Running out of gas has never been on my to-do list. The idea of it freaks me out totally. If the tanks not half-full, I ain't driving, baby... Candace--I, too, must have directions. And while I refer to maps in my entry, that was merely a literary reference. I CANNOT read maps. Which is so dumb, I can't believe it's true about myself, but it is. My hubby is Mr. Map and Atlas of the Universe, and he can keep the title. I can't compete! Posted by Katy Raymond on 05/11/05 at 06:43 PM your post brings to mind something I read yesterday in Madeleine L'Engle's "A Circle of Quiet" in describing the place she goes for some solitude (involving the great outdoors, often a steady drizzle of rain, and two balls of twine's worth of a guide line)..."it's amazing what passing the half-century mark does to free one to be eccentric". Turning 33 this year, I'm still clinging to being defined as 'eclectic' (which, I've been told, is an actual interior decorating style), but i imagine i will one day fit rather snugly into Ms. L'Engle's professed category. It rather sounds like fun... Posted by lisa on 05/17/05 at 10:48 AM Page 1 of 1 pages Commenting is not available in this weblog entry. Next entry: A Higher Class Of Clutter, But Still... 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Personal blog of christianwriter & fallible momKaty McKenna Raymondin Kansas City, Missouri

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Lost In Lee’s Summit

Personal blog of christian
writer & fallible mom
Katy McKenna Raymond
in Kansas City, Missouri