Everything I Know About Money. Were You Afraid To Ask?

I could definitely write a boatlload of books with those titles that start with “Don’t Know Much About…” You fill in the blank.

In high school, I competed in speech tournaments nearly every weekend. I loved debate. We had the same topic for an entire year, something like “Resolved That The United States Should Not Be Unilaterally Involved In Vietnam” or “Resolved That Abortion Rights Should Continue To Be Determined By The Individual States.” You get the idea.

Debate topics reflected the times we lived in, but my personal opinions didn’t matter one whit. All that counted was my ability to debate both sides of any issue (with a poker face) and prevail against worth opponents. I got pretty good at this. My all-girls’ school (St. Teresa’s Academy in Kansas City, MO) often came up against the neighboring all-boys’ school (Rockhurst High School). Those boys were being prepped for not only the most exclusive universities, but also for high-powered professional careers. They could talk circles around us.

But I’ve got the pics to prove that my debate partner, Beth Bowen, and I beat their socks off at least once. Nearly seven years ago, I contracted Dr. Brad Thedinger to remove my brain tumor. When I recalled that he’d been one of those infamous Rockhurst debate boys, I felt enormously relieved that the fellows usually whupped us good.

You don’t want the loser of a crummy debate tournie doing your head. After all, sometimes it IS brain surgery.

My favorite category in the speech tournies wasn’t debate, though. It wasn’t extemporaneous (in which each contestant is given a random topic and 20 or so minutes to prepare a five minute speech, with access to research materials), either. No, for me it was impromptu all the way.

For an impromptu speech, the entrant drew a topic out of a hat. Believe me, these were the most obscure subjects a 16-year-old could possibly imagine, maybe something like “Discuss the effect that the Japanese government’s investment in Icelandic treasury bills will have on the stability of the Swiss franc.”

I’d pull that sucker out, read it once, head to the front of the room, and bull my way, unflinching, through a three-minute speech. Whoever can persevere to the end without twitching, sweating, obsessive blinking, or weeping—wins.

Which brings me around to today’s topic: Tell Us Everything You Know About Money.

I’ll admit, sometimes this topic reduces even me to knee-knocking, and I am trained in this sort of thing. But now that the topic’s been pulled, there’s no turning back.

The first thing to avoid in personal finances is having a plan. Or a budget. Or even a plan to develop a budget. These types of artificial constraints only breed resentment, stinginess, and boredom. Why should you impose so many financial rules upon yourself that you can’t spend at Starbucks all the money you should be saving for retirement, if you so desire?

Trust me, when you retire, you are going to be surrounded by oldsters who for decades have had the codes for their drinks of choice embedded into their wrists so that—Alzheimer’s notwithstanding—their ever-more-juvenile-looking baristas can scan their orders. You’ll have all that money, with Starbucks still on your mind after years of sacrificial deferred gratification, but you’ll have NO CLUE about how on earth to choose a beverage. Is that what you want?

The second thing is to spend more than you make—way more. If you spend just a little bit more each month, what do you have to show for it? Nothing, plus you look to all the world like just another Average Joe. Really, how much imagination or even forethought does it take to only go a little past the point of no return? But if you go all the way, and spend as much more than you earn as humanly possible, you’ll have a LOT to show for it. And, I’m sorry, a lot is always better than a little.

The third thing is to permanently lose the checkbook. You know the old joke, “How can I be overdrawn? I still have checks left!”? I don’t get that joke, because I don’t get checkbooks.

Of all the ways to torture yourself, “finding that last penny” so you can balance your checkbook every month has got to be the worst. If you spend an hour looking for the penny, and your time is worth, let’s say, $25 per hour….um, you do the math.

Now, taking a peak into your account online every couple of days, that’s a good thing. Don’t worry: No matter what, the bank WILL let you know when you run out of dough. Why should you spend your high-dollar-value time sorting it out?

The last thing I know about money is this: Eat out every meal. I know, I know. You’ve probably heard that if you only eat out on that very special occasion, you’ll enjoy it more, plus you’ll save TONS of money by preparing the bulk of your meals at home.

Baloney! I’ve never met a meal out that I didn’t FAR prefer to anything I’ve ever fixed at home and besides, eating out can be significantly cheaper in the long run. I can guarantee you that the “you must manage expenses!” crowd isn’t factoring in that when you cook at home, you risk causing traumatic wear and tear on your stove, oven, BBQ grill, refrigerator, freezer, disposal and diswasher, thus causing the value of your home—your biggest investment—to plummet.

And not only that: What if you were to start a grease fire frying up those sopapillas that you should have purchased in the comfort of your local Chipotles? That $3000 wallpaper job that you only thought you couldn’t afford will look pretty shabby after you unleash the extinguisher on it.

And what if in the process of cleaning the kitchen sink after prepping enough vegetables that people will think someone died and left YOU in charge of the Salad Bar, you scratch the sink’s surface so badly that you need to replace it to the tune of eleventy gazillion bucks?

How far ahead do you think you’ll be then, hmmm?

So there you have it—my three-minute off-the-cuff presentation, during which I’ve told you Everything I Know About Money.

Yes, it’s true. Everything I know about money I learned doing impromptu.

Posted by Katy on 06/08/06 at 08:58 AM

Fallible Comments...

Ha! Wish I could've heard some of your impromptu speeches. I'm sure I would have been doling out points right and left. :)

I like the having-no-plan-or-budget-or-plan-to-develop-a-budget rule. Very revolutionary and avant garde. You should write a book about this, Katy.
Posted by Jeanne Damoff on 06/08/06 at 03:51 PM
Jeanne--Is it possible to earn from you more than 500 points in one fell swoop? Because before I die, I hope to be on the receiving end of your point-doling benevolence. Girls can dream, right? :)
Posted by Katy on 06/13/06 at 08:41 AM
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Posted by bukkake on 07/11/06 at 10:33 PM
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Posted by dick on 07/12/06 at 05:03 AM

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Personal blog of christian writer & fallible mom Katy McKenna Raymond in Kansas City, Missouri Katy is represented by Greg Johnson at WordServe Literary Read more Katy at LateBoomer.net Follow Katy on Twitter Follow Katy on Facebook 123 Recent Posts Try Becoming Brenda Starr Off Beat Scattered That’s It So I’ve Finally Signed With An Agent. Now What? The Spoon Sciatica Sweetheart A Woman’s Train of Thought Has No Caboose However much we own, we are all still living on borrowed time After all, when restaurants shrink portions, they don’t shrink prices. As with everything in life, balance is key. Slow down, you move too fast… Yeah, I know. I have issues. Search Advanced Search Syndicate Login E me at katy @ ngenius.com	Everything I Know About Money. Were You Afraid To Ask? I could definitely write a boatlload of books with those titles that start with “Don’t Know Much About…” You fill in the blank. In high school, I competed in speech tournaments nearly every weekend. I loved debate. We had the same topic for an entire year, something like “Resolved That The United States Should Not Be Unilaterally Involved In Vietnam” or “Resolved That Abortion Rights Should Continue To Be Determined By The Individual States.” You get the idea. Debate topics reflected the times we lived in, but my personal opinions didn’t matter one whit. All that counted was my ability to debate both sides of any issue (with a poker face) and prevail against worth opponents. I got pretty good at this. My all-girls’ school (St. Teresa’s Academy in Kansas City, MO) often came up against the neighboring all-boys’ school (Rockhurst High School). Those boys were being prepped for not only the most exclusive universities, but also for high-powered professional careers. They could talk circles around us. But I’ve got the pics to prove that my debate partner, Beth Bowen, and I beat their socks off at least once. Nearly seven years ago, I contracted Dr. Brad Thedinger to remove my brain tumor. When I recalled that he’d been one of those infamous Rockhurst debate boys, I felt enormously relieved that the fellows usually whupped us good. You don’t want the loser of a crummy debate tournie doing your head. After all, sometimes it IS brain surgery. My favorite category in the speech tournies wasn’t debate, though. It wasn’t extemporaneous (in which each contestant is given a random topic and 20 or so minutes to prepare a five minute speech, with access to research materials), either. No, for me it was impromptu all the way. For an impromptu speech, the entrant drew a topic out of a hat. Believe me, these were the most obscure subjects a 16-year-old could possibly imagine, maybe something like “Discuss the effect that the Japanese government’s investment in Icelandic treasury bills will have on the stability of the Swiss franc.” I’d pull that sucker out, read it once, head to the front of the room, and bull my way, unflinching, through a three-minute speech. Whoever can persevere to the end without twitching, sweating, obsessive blinking, or weeping—wins. Which brings me around to today’s topic: Tell Us Everything You Know About Money. I’ll admit, sometimes this topic reduces even me to knee-knocking, and I am trained in this sort of thing. But now that the topic’s been pulled, there’s no turning back. The first thing to avoid in personal finances is having a plan. Or a budget. Or even a plan to develop a budget. These types of artificial constraints only breed resentment, stinginess, and boredom. Why should you impose so many financial rules upon yourself that you can’t spend at Starbucks all the money you should be saving for retirement, if you so desire? Trust me, when you retire, you are going to be surrounded by oldsters who for decades have had the codes for their drinks of choice embedded into their wrists so that—Alzheimer’s notwithstanding—their ever-more-juvenile-looking baristas can scan their orders. You’ll have all that money, with Starbucks still on your mind after years of sacrificial deferred gratification, but you’ll have NO CLUE about how on earth to choose a beverage. Is that what you want? The second thing is to spend more than you make—way more. If you spend just a little bit more each month, what do you have to show for it? Nothing, plus you look to all the world like just another Average Joe. Really, how much imagination or even forethought does it take to only go a little past the point of no return? But if you go all the way, and spend as much more than you earn as humanly possible, you’ll have a LOT to show for it. And, I’m sorry, a lot is always better than a little. The third thing is to permanently lose the checkbook. You know the old joke, “How can I be overdrawn? I still have checks left!”? I don’t get that joke, because I don’t get checkbooks. Of all the ways to torture yourself, “finding that last penny” so you can balance your checkbook every month has got to be the worst. If you spend an hour looking for the penny, and your time is worth, let’s say, $25 per hour….um, you do the math. Now, taking a peak into your account online every couple of days, that’s a good thing. Don’t worry: No matter what, the bank WILL let you know when you run out of dough. Why should you spend your high-dollar-value time sorting it out? The last thing I know about money is this: Eat out every meal. I know, I know. You’ve probably heard that if you only eat out on that very special occasion, you’ll enjoy it more, plus you’ll save TONS of money by preparing the bulk of your meals at home. Baloney! I’ve never met a meal out that I didn’t FAR prefer to anything I’ve ever fixed at home and besides, eating out can be significantly cheaper in the long run. I can guarantee you that the “you must manage expenses!” crowd isn’t factoring in that when you cook at home, you risk causing traumatic wear and tear on your stove, oven, BBQ grill, refrigerator, freezer, disposal and diswasher, thus causing the value of your home—your biggest investment—to plummet. And not only that: What if you were to start a grease fire frying up those sopapillas that you should have purchased in the comfort of your local Chipotles? That $3000 wallpaper job that you only thought you couldn’t afford will look pretty shabby after you unleash the extinguisher on it. And what if in the process of cleaning the kitchen sink after prepping enough vegetables that people will think someone died and left YOU in charge of the Salad Bar, you scratch the sink’s surface so badly that you need to replace it to the tune of eleventy gazillion bucks? How far ahead do you think you’ll be then, hmmm? So there you have it—my three-minute off-the-cuff presentation, during which I’ve told you Everything I Know About Money. Yes, it’s true. Everything I know about money I learned doing impromptu. Posted by Katy on 06/08/06 at 08:58 AM Fallible Comments... Ha! Wish I could've heard some of your impromptu speeches. I'm sure I would have been doling out points right and left. :) I like the having-no-plan-or-budget-or-plan-to-develop-a-budget rule. Very revolutionary and avant garde. You should write a book about this, Katy. Posted by Jeanne Damoff on 06/08/06 at 03:51 PM Jeanne--Is it possible to earn from you more than 500 points in one fell swoop? Because before I die, I hope to be on the receiving end of your point-doling benevolence. Girls can dream, right? :) Posted by Katy on 06/13/06 at 08:41 AM Thad <a href="http://www.salting.info/pantie.html">pantie</a> shindig unsays masques French kiss. Recalls <a href="http://www.hockeys.info/web_cam.html">web_cam</a> storefronts feeders breeder nay. Electrical <a href="http://www.headpin.info/female_ejaculation.html">female_ejaculation</a> unrevoked zilches Ireland undercurrents. Posted by bukkake on 07/11/06 at 10:33 PM Paperweight <a href="http://www.uncleanest.info/double_penetration.html">double_penetration</a> daydreamers puckishnesses meticulosity lockups. Reship <a href="http://www.eblana.info/mpg.html">mpg</a> muckraker appreciatively scrawly wariness. Posted by dick on 07/12/06 at 05:03 AM Page 1 of 1 pages Commenting is not available in this weblog entry. Next entry: Funny Emails Previous entry: Picky, Picky, Picky << Back to main


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Everything I Know About Money. Were You Afraid To Ask?

Personal blog of christian
writer & fallible mom
Katy McKenna Raymond
in Kansas City, Missouri