Personal blog of christian
writer & fallible mom
Katy McKenna Raymond
in Kansas City, Missouri
Katy is represented by
Greg Johnson at
WordServe Literary
Read more Katy at
LateBoomer.net
Recent Posts
- Try
- Becoming Brenda Starr
- Off Beat
- Scattered
- That’s It
- So I’ve Finally Signed With An Agent. Now What?
- The Spoon
- Sciatica
- Sweetheart
- A Woman’s Train of Thought Has No Caboose
- However much we own, we are all still living on borrowed time
- After all, when restaurants shrink portions, they don’t shrink prices.
- As with everything in life, balance is key.
- Slow down, you move too fast…
- Yeah, I know. I have issues.
Syndicate
E me at katy @ ngenius.com
Cards
For nearly every cliche, there’s an equal and opposite cliche.
Take, for instance, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” Nice sentiment to latch onto if you’re about to leave behind a love interest in favor of a trip around the world, wouldn’t you say?
Sure, you would. But before long that spot in your subconscious where you store cliches until the moment they’re most needed will bring this gem to mind: “Out of sight, out of mind.”
Oh-oh. Better rethink those travel plans.
Today I’m contemplating cliches with card-playing references. Not one to play poker or bridge myself, I still seem to recall something about “holding your cards close to the vest.” And then there’s the perennial advice to “not show all your cards at once.”
The card cliche that rings the most true (and useful!) to me, though, is “Play the hand you’ve been dealt.” I’ve made such excellent use of this motto throughout the course of my own medical history, in fact, that I’ve become something of a role model to health-catastrophe newbies in my ever-widening sphere of influence.
You can stop imagining my rear end expanding NOW. Thank you. :)
A couple in our Sunday School recently went through the husband’s harrowing 6-way heart bypass surgery. Lynett turned out to be a real champ in caring for Fred’s many needs during the weeks following their crisis, but as a result, she’s been a little…spacey.
She’s coordinating a group of us to go see the Dead Sea Scrolls, on exhibit here in KC for only a few more weeks. She called the other night and Doug told her that we couldn’t make it, so I was surprised when she called again yesterday.
“I’m trying to get a head count,” she said.
“Um…what did Doug say when you two talked?” I asked.
“Oh, my gosh! I totally spaced out that I’ve already talked to him! I am so sorry…”
“Lynett, I happen to know you’ve always been goofy. But here’s the deal: Now, for more than a limited time only, you are entitled to Play the Hand You’ve Been Dealt.”
“What do you mean?” she asked, all innocent like Medical Virgins everywhere.
“Heart surgery, baby. Lay those cards on the table. Go ahead and be your usual spaced-out self, but take advantage of Fred’s surgery to make your ongoing deficits socially acceptable. Starting today.”
“And ending….when?”
Honestly, Lynett is SUCH a nice girl.
“Never, Lynett. Ending never. Fred’s surgery and his long recovery—during which you will put all the other details of life on the back burner to serve his needs like the faithful wife you are—will officially be your one-way ticket to Space Island. From now on, no one will question if you lose your grip on pesky details or skimp on logic. You’re home free!”
“You think?”
Yes, I think. That’s precisely why we’re having this conversation!
“Lynett, have you had a hysterectomy?”
“Yes, back in 1991, but I hardly see how that—”
“Do you vacuum?”
“Katy, of course I vacuum. What kind of a woman do you think—”
“If you’d played the Hysterectomy Card starting the DAY you had surgery, when your doctor gave you instructions not to vacuum or do any heavy lifting for at least six weeks, you’d have trained your husband and children. These days, you wouldn’t even know where to locate the Hoover’s ‘on’ switch. You’d have never vacuumed again.”
“What do you mean, never? What about when the six weeks ended?”
“Lynett, husbands and kids don’t keep track of stuff like WEEKS. With Fred, kind of like with the Lord, six weeks is as a thousand years. If he’d taken over the vacuuming in 1991, and you asked him today how long he’d been performing the duty and how the vacuuming ball came to be in his court, I guarantee you he’d be clueless.”
“Why, I never,” she said. “I suppose there are Childbirth Cards I could have played 25 years ago?”
“Girl, girl. Let’s not cry about lost games. Think about the straight flush of Menopause Cards you’re clutching in your hot little fist, all yours for the playing today. It’s not too late to get your piece of the action.”
“But what about Fred?” she asked. “What if he gets wise and tries to play the By-Pass Card? What if he says he can’t figure out his medications and needs me to dole them out to him? What if he says he can’t get his diabetes under control unless I fix him three meals and three small snacks per day? I’m not sure I can—”
“Of course, you can’t, honey. No woman could be expected to keep up with all that. Especially not you. And do you know why?”
“Um….because I’ve just played the…?”
“That’s right, Lynett. The Space Cadet Card.”
I heard her sigh then, a happy, contented sigh. “Thank you, Katy. You’ve made my day. I mean, my six weeks. I mean…the rest of my natural life.”
If she hung up the phone, turned to Fred, and said, “That Katy is a real card,” I’ll know my work here is done.
- Would it be offensive if I said this is the best post I think you've ever written? WELL IT IS! it is hysterical
Posted by Liz on 03/15/07 at 11:16 PM
- LOL! I had surgery 5 years ago and my husband did the laundry for the next four years. Sadly, a move to a new house somehow jogged his memory and I got the job back. But he also hired a woman to come and clean the house once a month after my surgery and that perk is ongoing.
GREAT post, Katy! As always.Posted by Deb Raney on 03/19/07 at 10:38 AM - Liz--Are you kidding? I am honored!! :) And you're still so young, you have many years left during which to benefit from my eons of wisdom. Enjoy!
Deb--I love it!! You know, I've totally blown the Laundry Card, and it got dealt to me 8 years ago, when I had pneumonia. I was SO weak, that to tranfer a load from the washer to the dryer, I had to move ONE PAIR OF PANTIES at a time!!! Honestly. This went on for two months. I made the FATAL mistake of adopting a martyr complex, and the game did not end well. St. Katy still does all the laundry, life-threatening viral infections notwithstanding. Sigh.
BUT, I have learned my lesson. Another Laundry Card will get played. Mark my words. Or my cards. Whichever......Posted by Katy on 03/19/07 at 11:19 AM - If I knew anything about Tarot cards I'd swear you just played an evil one :)
At least from the male perspective...
Grace & peace,
MichaelPosted by Michael Main on 03/20/07 at 06:03 PM - Michael--Doug says that he's realized that the men don't actually ever get to hold any cards in their fists at all, much less play them....Poor fellas! :)
Posted by Katy on 03/21/07 at 05:20 PM
- thanks you very mach
Posted by Tarot on 04/10/09 at 12:52 PM
Next entry: Quaking
Previous entry: National Archives, Personal Treasure
