A Wonderful Plan For Your Life

If you've lived very long at all, you've figured out by now that Starbucks--like God--loves you, and has a wonderful plan for your life.

I resisted Starbucks' plan for my life for quite a few years, realizing full well that Part One of Their Plan was to charge me $3 or more for the privilege of imbibing a cuppa without refills. I'm a cheapskate, folks. Ask anyone. How Starbucks finally got a hold of me, I still haven't figured out.

A few years back, on a day otherwise innocent of all missteps, my resolve weakened. I'll try one, I thought, if only to see what everyone's yakking about. I'm a writer, I reasoned, and my occupation compels me to observe and report on the human experience.

Humans were drinking Starbucks like there was no tomorrow, so didn't the phenomenon deserve a bit of my attention?

A week later, I tried another. Mmmm....just as delicious as I remembered. Two days later, I happened to be driving by and thought that a large latte would make a lovely meal replacement plan. By the next day, my new diet seemed to be doing the trick, and I'm not such a loser that I'd break a successful diet on day two. That would be just plain wrong.

By day four, I realized that Starbucks' Plan for My Life definitely had a Part Two: Get the chick addicted, so that each and every day of her remaining time on earth she must have her Starbucks or she'll go stark raving mad! Impress upon her that this is no mere drive-by addiction, either. This is a destination addiction. She'll make special trips, going fifteen minutes each way just to score a hit, and her shame will diminish a little more with every cup of joe.

Today, it hit me. I'm already over fifty. My time in this world is growing short, and the old memory ain't what it used to be. In fact, unless Doug reminds me right before I head into Starbucks, sometimes I can't remember my regular drink order. It is complicated, and I do have a lot of other important things on my mind, but still...

"What can I get for you?"

My mind went completely, ridiculously blank.

"Um....ma'am?"

"Okay, I think I know," I answered. "Yes, I'm sure I do! A venti iced two-Splenda...um...oh, yeah, Americano with...let's see, I'm pretty sure it's one shot reg and two shots de...and..."

"Will that be all?"

"Wait, there's more...oh, uh, no water, lots of ice, and room. Yeah, that's it!"

I must have looked really proud of myself, because she stared at me like I'd lost it. I could have shut up right about then, but of course, I didn't.

"How will Starbucks keep the baby boomers' business when we're too senile to remember what we order?"

The barista did not laugh. She did not even smile. In a way, I feel sorry for her. Doesn't she know that someday she, too, will have such a delicate constitution that she'll have to switch to decaf after 9 am? Furthermore, does she really imagine that Generations Y and X have enough members, in Starbucks' economy, to replace the aging boomers?

If Starbucks is going to get $3 per day from now until my kids choose my nursing home, let's hope they've thought through Part Three of the Plan for My Life. Because by then, I--along with millions of my fellow boomers--will be strung out, flat broke, down to my last $2000 of worldly assets, living on Social Security and Medicaid, and--most pathetic of all--shaking and sweating though Starbucks withdrawal.

Or will I?

My guess is that Starbucks needs the boomers at least as much as we need our daily grind. Even now, I'd wager a group of bleeding-heart coffee aficionados are forming a political action committee to lobby for Starbucks benefits for senior citizens. And not only that: I'll bet by the time you and I end up in an old folks home, free-standing Starbucks kiosks will grace every lobby.

Dear Lord in Heaven above, let it be so.

Posted by Katy on 08/18/05 at 03:50 PM

Fallible Comments...

In the summer, mine's a grande iced latte, 2 pumps vanilla syrup, 1% milk. Sometimes with an extra shot. Decaf after 1:00 PM.

Have you sent scouts ahead to locate the nearest Starbucks to the Nashville Sheraton? :)
-----
Posted by Jeanne Damoff on 08/19/05 at 12:55 AM
When Mary and I open our hospital for tired women who aren't sick, but just sick of being tired, there will definitely be a Starbucks. :)
Posted by Bridget on 08/19/05 at 12:59 AM
Jeanne---Now you're scaring me!!! I hadn't even thought about scouting for Starbucks. Any Nashvillians reading here who can tell us if there's a Starbucks near Sheraton Music City downtown? Four entire days without Starbucks, and I'm not at ALL sure I could pitch a novel.... ;)

Bridgie---Won't we have to get Mary hooked on the Bucks for her agree to to install it in your "hospital"? We'd better get crackin'!
Posted by Katy on 08/19/05 at 03:04 AM
Hey, Jeanne--Doug searched and it looks like Starbucks is about 2/10 mile from Sheraton!!!! I predict we shall not only survive, but emerge victorious!
Posted by Katy on 08/19/05 at 03:06 AM
Good job, Doug! 2/10 mile isn't bad at all. And who knows . . . if the coffee gods are smiling on us, there may even be a Starbucks kiosk in the hotel itself.

Fun, caffeinated times ahead!
Posted by Jeanne Damoff on 08/19/05 at 03:36 AM
Katy, I don't know you at all, and I can't even remember how I came across your blog! You are an amazing writer - I love how you live in reality :) I needed this laugh today!!!!! I read it three times and laughed just as hard each time! I, too, love Starbucks. Unfortunately, my hypoglycemia limits my ability to deplete my wallet as frequently as daily, but weekly is a MUST! Mine is a decaf tall mocha with the whipped cream :) It cost $3.14!!!!! (I have never done caffene and am really bad on it.) I believe we may forget what we want, but we WILL know if they ever raise their prices!!!!!
Posted by Ann on 08/19/05 at 05:58 AM
What you don't realize is that what gen Y and gen X lack in numbers, we make up for in frequency. You manage to survive on only one cup a day? Also, I can't remember the last time my starbucks order was less than $4... I love the idea of the Starbucks diet though. And all this time my husband has been repeating the mantra "you need to eat some solid food". Now I can just tell him that I'm on the latest meal-replacement diet that I read about on the internet! Is it really 4 hours 'till lunch time?
Posted by bun-girl on 08/19/05 at 03:32 PM
First of all, I have to say that Michael (Blogin Idiot) sent me over here. I've been before but it's been awhile - but when I got here I said, "Oh yeah, I like this place!"

Great funny post today! I just recently tried Starbucks myself. I may be a bigger cheapskate than you, but it's probably that I'm just not quite the coffeeholic. I've never drank much coffee, but I'm beginning to like the addition of coffee to my chocolate. Starbucks makes a great frozen mocha, and I definitely felt the pull of the plan... And the "baristas" at my local SB have been trained well. I'm hard to please, but i was impressed!
Posted by Lolly on 08/19/05 at 06:59 PM
First of all...being a triple vente three equal non fat extra hot latte drinker let me assure Starbucks is ahead of you on this...

Amy took a job at Starbucks simply because we get a free pound of coffee a week and she gets a free drink when she works there and a discount at any Starbucks.

She took a job bussing tables because she didn't think she could remember other people's drink orders much less her own.

I'm convinced that Starbucks will soon offer us aging types the option of the "Startoo"...it'll be a simple tasteful tattoo that doesn't look like a barcode at all, but that's what it will be. We'll be able to dodder in...take our hands off our canes for a moment, swipe them over a digital wrinkled skin reader and it will not only send in our drink order it will also automatically deduct the 5 to 10 bucks for the drink from our bank accounts so we won't have to stumble around looking for money or our debit cards.

This will also allow the "Baristas" to skip the mandatory class they now have to take on how to explain why Tall means Small and Grande means medium...etc...

Starbucks and the phone company...eventually they'll rule the world...there's no sense fighting...you will be assimilated.

-MM
Posted by Michael Main on 08/20/05 at 07:40 PM
Yep, there's something about rounding that corner to 50 that tosses those neurons to the wind. I'm 55 and have left many a clerk wondering. The worst, though, was when I stopped at a drive-up window, ordered my latte, and somehow switched gears to reverse. Fortunately the person behind me was fumbling with her purse and didn't notice me inches from her bumper.

I'm loving your blog! Maybe too much--I'm relating big-time.
Posted by Bonnie on 08/20/05 at 10:55 PM
Katy thank you for spelling out in detail your every-woman boomer struggles the younger generation, perhaps it will indeed come back to bless you. No really, sco and I were talking some weeks ago about following investment strategies that move with the inevitable forces of demographic tides. Starbucks kiosks in nursing homes...yes, that might just pay for 'rent's and our own retirements! But don't be silly with that social security/medicare talk; pay attiention! Bad boomer! You don't get that stuff! We refuse to pay it and we Xers and Y's are spoiled anough to make sure of it! Bad boomer!
Posted by cro on 08/21/05 at 01:44 PM
Jeanne--I don't get out much, so I've only stayed in one hotel with a Starbucks kiosk. It was on the Canada side of Niagara Falls. How I loved hanging in the lobby!

Ann--Your comment made me giggle. I've tried living in other states than "Reality," but I keep moving back here! :) I can't eat any sugar at all without getting truly ill, or I'd be right there suffering hypoglychemia with you!

bun-girl--Tee, hee! "the latest meal replacement plan I read about on the Internet." All of a sudden, I feel like a nutritional expert!

Michael--A "Startoo" is a most excellent boomer idea! But I don't want the $10 (adjusted for inflation and to compensate Starbucks for the astronomical cost of implementing the Startoo technology) for my iced Americano to come out of my bank account!!! NO!!! I want it billed to the taxpaper, who by that time in my dotterage, won't be ME!!! Or, as a somewhat acceptable alternative, my Startoo could have my coffee charge automatically deducted from my child's bank account!! Yes...that's it....now if I could only decide which child....

:)

Bonnie--Long-term, those drive-thrus at Starbucks are not going to work for us boomers. Unless we're driving golf carts or motorized tricycles to the free-standing Starbucks in our retirement neighborhoods. That lady might have been killed by you, all because she was fumbling in her purse for a few bucks she shouldn't have to cough up anyway!!! The TAXPAYER should be paying for her drink, via her Startoo! So glad you're enjoying reading here....and my sympathies if my writings are too close a reflection of your own experience... ;)

Cro, my dear young man--How could you? I've given my children and their friends the best years of my life (all the ones leading up to and including this one) and this is the thanks I get? Here's a compromise for you: You and Scotty can pitch the idea of Starbucks kiosks in nursing homes to Corporate and make your millions IF you also fund the work of the lobbyists (so far, me) who will push for tax-payer supported Venti Vouchers. (I just now invented that phrase, so consider it hereby copyrighted or trademarked or intellectual propertymarked or whatever it takes for me to get my props.)

Please tell me that we can agree that if you become a gazillionaire with my idea that you'll owe me big-time!!! I agree to accept my compensation through the generosity of the public largesse.....

:)
Posted by Katy on 08/21/05 at 07:51 PM
Lolly--I'm so glad you revisited fallible! That Michael over at Blogin' Idiot is a nice fellow to send me a few good folks! Coffee is definitely an acquired taste, so beware! A few more of what you just had may be all it takes for Starbucks to have you for life. ;)
Posted by Katy on 08/21/05 at 07:53 PM
I resist the lure of Starbucks most of the time. But in the winter? Well, it's just not the holiday season until the Gingerbread Lattes become available again. While they last, I treat myself to one a day. Keeps my Christmas spirit warm and toasty, it does. And when they go away for the season, it's one sad day indeed.
Posted by Jennifer on 08/23/05 at 02:49 PM
I think if Cro gets rich off this idea he should just owe you free Starbucks for life! (that'd show him!!!)
Posted by bun-girl on 08/23/05 at 09:02 PM
Jennifer--Thanks for commenting here! You are a wonderful writer, I'm enjoying your site... :)

bun-girl--Yeah! That'd show Cro what's what! Let's see, my life expectancy is probably another 30 years. In today's dollars, at $3/day, that comes to $32,850. That sounds fair, don't you think? I mean, my time thinking up this stuff is worth SOMETHING, right?? ;)
Posted by Katy on 08/23/05 at 11:51 PM

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Personal blog of christian writer & fallible mom Katy McKenna Raymond in Kansas City, Missouri Katy is represented by Greg Johnson at WordServe Literary Read more Katy at LateBoomer.net Follow Katy on Twitter Follow Katy on Facebook 123 Recent Posts Try Becoming Brenda Starr Off Beat Scattered That’s It So I’ve Finally Signed With An Agent. Now What? The Spoon Sciatica Sweetheart A Woman’s Train of Thought Has No Caboose However much we own, we are all still living on borrowed time After all, when restaurants shrink portions, they don’t shrink prices. As with everything in life, balance is key. Slow down, you move too fast… Yeah, I know. I have issues. Search Advanced Search Syndicate Login E me at katy @ ngenius.com	A Wonderful Plan For Your Life If you've lived very long at all, you've figured out by now that Starbucks--like God--loves you, and has a wonderful plan for your life. I resisted Starbucks' plan for my life for quite a few years, realizing full well that Part One of Their Plan was to charge me $3 or more for the privilege of imbibing a cuppa without refills. I'm a cheapskate, folks. Ask anyone. How Starbucks finally got a hold of me, I still haven't figured out. A few years back, on a day otherwise innocent of all missteps, my resolve weakened. I'll try one, I thought, if only to see what everyone's yakking about. I'm a writer, I reasoned, and my occupation compels me to observe and report on the human experience. Humans were drinking Starbucks like there was no tomorrow, so didn't the phenomenon deserve a bit of my attention? A week later, I tried another. Mmmm....just as delicious as I remembered. Two days later, I happened to be driving by and thought that a large latte would make a lovely meal replacement plan. By the next day, my new diet seemed to be doing the trick, and I'm not such a loser that I'd break a successful diet on day two. That would be just plain wrong. By day four, I realized that Starbucks' Plan for My Life definitely had a Part Two: Get the chick addicted, so that each and every day of her remaining time on earth she must have her Starbucks or she'll go stark raving mad! Impress upon her that this is no mere drive-by addiction, either. This is a destination addiction. She'll make special trips, going fifteen minutes each way just to score a hit, and her shame will diminish a little more with every cup of joe. Today, it hit me. I'm already over fifty. My time in this world is growing short, and the old memory ain't what it used to be. In fact, unless Doug reminds me right before I head into Starbucks, sometimes I can't remember my regular drink order. It is complicated, and I do have a lot of other important things on my mind, but still... "What can I get for you?" My mind went completely, ridiculously blank. "Um....ma'am?" "Okay, I think I know," I answered. "Yes, I'm sure I do! A venti iced two-Splenda...um...oh, yeah, Americano with...let's see, I'm pretty sure it's one shot reg and two shots de...and..." "Will that be all?" "Wait, there's more...oh, uh, no water, lots of ice, and room. Yeah, that's it!" I must have looked really proud of myself, because she stared at me like I'd lost it. I could have shut up right about then, but of course, I didn't. "How will Starbucks keep the baby boomers' business when we're too senile to remember what we order?" The barista did not laugh. She did not even smile. In a way, I feel sorry for her. Doesn't she know that someday she, too, will have such a delicate constitution that she'll have to switch to decaf after 9 am? Furthermore, does she really imagine that Generations Y and X have enough members, in Starbucks' economy, to replace the aging boomers? If Starbucks is going to get $3 per day from now until my kids choose my nursing home, let's hope they've thought through Part Three of the Plan for My Life. Because by then, I--along with millions of my fellow boomers--will be strung out, flat broke, down to my last $2000 of worldly assets, living on Social Security and Medicaid, and--most pathetic of all--shaking and sweating though Starbucks withdrawal. Or will I? My guess is that Starbucks needs the boomers at least as much as we need our daily grind. Even now, I'd wager a group of bleeding-heart coffee aficionados are forming a political action committee to lobby for Starbucks benefits for senior citizens. And not only that: I'll bet by the time you and I end up in an old folks home, free-standing Starbucks kiosks will grace every lobby. Dear Lord in Heaven above, let it be so. Posted by Katy on 08/18/05 at 03:50 PM Fallible Comments... In the summer, mine's a grande iced latte, 2 pumps vanilla syrup, 1% milk. Sometimes with an extra shot. Decaf after 1:00 PM. Have you sent scouts ahead to locate the nearest Starbucks to the Nashville Sheraton? :) ----- Posted by Jeanne Damoff on 08/19/05 at 12:55 AM When Mary and I open our hospital for tired women who aren't sick, but just sick of being tired, there will definitely be a Starbucks. :) Posted by Bridget on 08/19/05 at 12:59 AM Jeanne---Now you're scaring me!!! I hadn't even thought about scouting for Starbucks. Any Nashvillians reading here who can tell us if there's a Starbucks near Sheraton Music City downtown? Four entire days without Starbucks, and I'm not at ALL sure I could pitch a novel.... ;) Bridgie---Won't we have to get Mary hooked on the Bucks for her agree to to install it in your "hospital"? We'd better get crackin'! Posted by Katy on 08/19/05 at 03:04 AM Hey, Jeanne--Doug searched and it looks like Starbucks is about 2/10 mile from Sheraton!!!! I predict we shall not only survive, but emerge victorious! Posted by Katy on 08/19/05 at 03:06 AM Good job, Doug! 2/10 mile isn't bad at all. And who knows . . . if the coffee gods are smiling on us, there may even be a Starbucks kiosk in the hotel itself. Fun, caffeinated times ahead! Posted by Jeanne Damoff on 08/19/05 at 03:36 AM Katy, I don't know you at all, and I can't even remember how I came across your blog! You are an amazing writer - I love how you live in reality :) I needed this laugh today!!!!! I read it three times and laughed just as hard each time! I, too, love Starbucks. Unfortunately, my hypoglycemia limits my ability to deplete my wallet as frequently as daily, but weekly is a MUST! Mine is a decaf tall mocha with the whipped cream :) It cost $3.14!!!!! (I have never done caffene and am really bad on it.) I believe we may forget what we want, but we WILL know if they ever raise their prices!!!!! Posted by Ann on 08/19/05 at 05:58 AM What you don't realize is that what gen Y and gen X lack in numbers, we make up for in frequency. You manage to survive on only one cup a day? Also, I can't remember the last time my starbucks order was less than $4... I love the idea of the Starbucks diet though. And all this time my husband has been repeating the mantra "you need to eat some solid food". Now I can just tell him that I'm on the latest meal-replacement diet that I read about on the internet! Is it really 4 hours 'till lunch time? Posted by bun-girl on 08/19/05 at 03:32 PM First of all, I have to say that Michael (Blogin Idiot) sent me over here. I've been before but it's been awhile - but when I got here I said, "Oh yeah, I like this place!" Great funny post today! I just recently tried Starbucks myself. I may be a bigger cheapskate than you, but it's probably that I'm just not quite the coffeeholic. I've never drank much coffee, but I'm beginning to like the addition of coffee to my chocolate. Starbucks makes a great frozen mocha, and I definitely felt the pull of the plan... And the "baristas" at my local SB have been trained well. I'm hard to please, but i was impressed! Posted by Lolly on 08/19/05 at 06:59 PM First of all...being a triple vente three equal non fat extra hot latte drinker let me assure Starbucks is ahead of you on this... Amy took a job at Starbucks simply because we get a free pound of coffee a week and she gets a free drink when she works there and a discount at any Starbucks. She took a job bussing tables because she didn't think she could remember other people's drink orders much less her own. I'm convinced that Starbucks will soon offer us aging types the option of the "Startoo"...it'll be a simple tasteful tattoo that doesn't look like a barcode at all, but that's what it will be. We'll be able to dodder in...take our hands off our canes for a moment, swipe them over a digital wrinkled skin reader and it will not only send in our drink order it will also automatically deduct the 5 to 10 bucks for the drink from our bank accounts so we won't have to stumble around looking for money or our debit cards. This will also allow the "Baristas" to skip the mandatory class they now have to take on how to explain why Tall means Small and Grande means medium...etc... Starbucks and the phone company...eventually they'll rule the world...there's no sense fighting...you will be assimilated. -MM Posted by Michael Main on 08/20/05 at 07:40 PM Yep, there's something about rounding that corner to 50 that tosses those neurons to the wind. I'm 55 and have left many a clerk wondering. The worst, though, was when I stopped at a drive-up window, ordered my latte, and somehow switched gears to reverse. Fortunately the person behind me was fumbling with her purse and didn't notice me inches from her bumper. I'm loving your blog! Maybe too much--I'm relating big-time. Posted by Bonnie on 08/20/05 at 10:55 PM Katy thank you for spelling out in detail your every-woman boomer struggles the younger generation, perhaps it will indeed come back to bless you. No really, sco and I were talking some weeks ago about following investment strategies that move with the inevitable forces of demographic tides. Starbucks kiosks in nursing homes...yes, that might just pay for 'rent's and our own retirements! But don't be silly with that social security/medicare talk; pay attiention! Bad boomer! You don't get that stuff! We refuse to pay it and we Xers and Y's are spoiled anough to make sure of it! Bad boomer! Posted by cro on 08/21/05 at 01:44 PM Jeanne--I don't get out much, so I've only stayed in one hotel with a Starbucks kiosk. It was on the Canada side of Niagara Falls. How I loved hanging in the lobby! Ann--Your comment made me giggle. I've tried living in other states than "Reality," but I keep moving back here! :) I can't eat any sugar at all without getting truly ill, or I'd be right there suffering hypoglychemia with you! bun-girl--Tee, hee! "the latest meal replacement plan I read about on the Internet." All of a sudden, I feel like a nutritional expert! Michael--A "Startoo" is a most excellent boomer idea! But I don't want the $10 (adjusted for inflation and to compensate Starbucks for the astronomical cost of implementing the Startoo technology) for my iced Americano to come out of my bank account!!! NO!!! I want it billed to the taxpaper, who by that time in my dotterage, won't be ME!!! Or, as a somewhat acceptable alternative, my Startoo could have my coffee charge automatically deducted from my child's bank account!! Yes...that's it....now if I could only decide which child.... :) Bonnie--Long-term, those drive-thrus at Starbucks are not going to work for us boomers. Unless we're driving golf carts or motorized tricycles to the free-standing Starbucks in our retirement neighborhoods. That lady might have been killed by you, all because she was fumbling in her purse for a few bucks she shouldn't have to cough up anyway!!! The TAXPAYER should be paying for her drink, via her Startoo! So glad you're enjoying reading here....and my sympathies if my writings are too close a reflection of your own experience... ;) Cro, my dear young man--How could you? I've given my children and their friends the best years of my life (all the ones leading up to and including this one) and this is the thanks I get? Here's a compromise for you: You and Scotty can pitch the idea of Starbucks kiosks in nursing homes to Corporate and make your millions IF you also fund the work of the lobbyists (so far, me) who will push for tax-payer supported Venti Vouchers. (I just now invented that phrase, so consider it hereby copyrighted or trademarked or intellectual propertymarked or whatever it takes for me to get my props.) Please tell me that we can agree that if you become a gazillionaire with my idea that you'll owe me big-time!!! I agree to accept my compensation through the generosity of the public largesse..... :) Posted by Katy on 08/21/05 at 07:51 PM Lolly--I'm so glad you revisited fallible! That Michael over at Blogin' Idiot is a nice fellow to send me a few good folks! Coffee is definitely an acquired taste, so beware! A few more of what you just had may be all it takes for Starbucks to have you for life. ;) Posted by Katy on 08/21/05 at 07:53 PM I resist the lure of Starbucks most of the time. But in the winter? Well, it's just not the holiday season until the Gingerbread Lattes become available again. While they last, I treat myself to one a day. Keeps my Christmas spirit warm and toasty, it does. And when they go away for the season, it's one sad day indeed. Posted by Jennifer on 08/23/05 at 02:49 PM I think if Cro gets rich off this idea he should just owe you free Starbucks for life! (that'd show him!!!) Posted by bun-girl on 08/23/05 at 09:02 PM Jennifer--Thanks for commenting here! You are a wonderful writer, I'm enjoying your site... :) bun-girl--Yeah! That'd show Cro what's what! Let's see, my life expectancy is probably another 30 years. In today's dollars, at $3/day, that comes to $32,850. That sounds fair, don't you think? I mean, my time thinking up this stuff is worth SOMETHING, right?? ;) Posted by Katy on 08/23/05 at 11:51 PM Page 1 of 1 pages Commenting is not available in this weblog entry. Next entry: The Two Best Days Of My Life! 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A Wonderful Plan For Your Life

Personal blog of christian
writer & fallible mom
Katy McKenna Raymond
in Kansas City, Missouri